The Only Exception
by Darley1101
Summary: Love is a powerful thing. It can heal even the most shattered of lives. It can create miracles. Alex/Izzie, with mention of Lexie/Jackson, Meredith/Derek, Cristina/Owen, and references to Alex/Lexie, Mark/Lexie
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Only Exception

Author: Darley1101

Rating: Mature Readers Only (Contains language as well as sexual content)

Characters/Pairings: Mostly consists of Alex/Lexie, Mark/Lexie, and Alex/Izzie

Premise: News of the shooting reaches Izzie in Tacoma, causing her to break her word to Alex. When she reaches Seattle Grace she finds that nothing is as she remembers it and the people she cared about are changed forever; especially the man she loves. In the aftermath of the shooting Lexie is forced to examine every aspect of her life. What she finds has her questioning not only her relationship with Alex but why she turned to him to begin with. Faced with his past and his present, Alex must decide once and for all what…or rather who…his future will be.

Author's Note & Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, nor do I own any of the lyrics or quotes that are used throughout this story. To get an idea of the direction I am going listen to Paramore's song The Only Exception.

**A quick apology for how short this first chapter is! They will get longer and better, I promise.

Chapter One

"_Its fear of the unknown. The unknown is what it is. And to be frightened of it is what sends everybody scurrying around chasing dreams, illusions, wars, peace, love, hate, all that-its all illusion. Unknown is what it is. Accept that it's unknown and its plain sailing. Everything is unknown-then you're ahead of the game. That's what it is. Right?" John Lennon _

Isobel Stevens had never considered herself a coward, but as she stood outside the giant steel and glass structure that was Seattle Grace Hospital she gave serious thought to tucking her tail between her legs and running. Except she had done that once before and it had gotten her a broken heart, divorced, and alone. She wasn't too keen on going down that road again, not that she had another husband that she could walk out on and she was pretty sure her heart was shattered beyond compare.

Guilt seeped through her veins as she forced herself to walk through the sliding doors of the Emergency Room. She had walked out on Alex without giving him the chance to explain or redeem himself. He had gotten even with her though. He'd replaced her with someone else and told her to stay out of his life. Oh sure he'd thrown in the bit about her finding happiness but did he really expect her to be able to do that without him?

She felt a lump form in her throat as she thought about the newscast that had brought her back to Seattle Grace. It wasn't every day a girl turned on the television and seen that her old work place had been shot up by some crazed gun man. Even worse had been finding out Alex had been one of his victims. Every single hateful word or deed she had said or done to him flashed through her mind. The guilt of leaving him threatened to swallow her up. Worse had been the pain of realizing nobody had contacted her because he didn't want her to know.

'Which is why you shouldn't be here,' a small voice in the back of her head whispered. She pushed the thought aside, even though she agreed. Alex didn't want her anymore and she had no reason to be there. Except she loved him and she needed to see for herself that he was going to be okay. Once she accomplished that she would do as she promised and walk out of his life forever. Hell, she would ever try to find some how to be happy…without him.

"Shoulders back, chin up, and just remember to breath," Izzie murmured as she slowly made her way through the semi-crowded Pitt. Former coworkers were staring, a few leaning close to one another to whisper about the return of Izzie Stevens; heart valve cutter, dirty mistress, and Alex Karev's unwanted ex-wife. Screw them and their gossip loving hearts. Their opinions might have mattered in the past but she grown past that. Tacoma didn't produce tender loving physicians but rather top-notch surgeons who either rid themselves of emotions or Tacoma rid themselves of them. A couple months there had done wonders for her bleeding heart. She still cared what happened to people but had learned to separate herself from her patients, especially the ones who didn't look like they were going to make it.

"Dr. Stevens?"

Her name was a bare whisper across the lips of Meredith Grey's lips. Izzie swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. So she was Dr. Stevens now, not Izzie? Alright. She supposed she had that coming, considering how they had parted. Meredith had begged her to stay, called her family, and Izzie had thrown the offer and the sentiments in Meredith's face.

"Meredith," she whispered back, her tense face softening slightly. She hated how things had ended with her and her former roommate. They had been through so much together; it seemed rather horrific that they had parted as strangers instead of friends.

"What are you doing here?" There was a glisten in the other woman's large grey-green eyes.

The million dollar question that Izzie had a ready answer to but wasn't sure she wanted to give. At least not to Meredith. At the moment her only concern was Alex. "I just…" Izzie gulped. She couldn't bring herself to lie, not to Meredith. "I need to know everyone is okay."

Meredith stared at her for a moment, a lone tear trickling down her pale cheek. "Is anyone ever okay after something like that?"

"No," Izzie answered, her voice soft. Before her eyes one of the strongest women she knew crumbled. Meredith's tiny body folded into itself. "Mere." Part of her wanted to reach out and engulf her friend in her arms, to whisper everything would be okay. She refrained though. Things were still up in the air where Meredith and her were concerned.

"I keep going over it all in my head, trying to make sense of it but it never does." A hunk of hair fell across Meredith's brow, strands of dark blonde silk sticking to her damp cheeks. "I just want to know why. Why he did what he did. Why Derek? Why Alex…." Meredith paused, her chest visibly heaving as she sucked in air. "Alex. That's why you're here, isn't it? You're here to see Alex. I should have realized that the moment I seen you."

Izzie hung her head, shame slumping her shoulders. She should have known the shooting had effected everyone she cared about, not just her ex-husband. "It isn't just because of him," she whispered, hoping Meredith believed her.

"Mostly because of him though, right?"

She didn't bother lying. Three years of living together had given Meredith an insight into how she thought, how she felt. "Mostly because of him," she agreed. Her dark eyes started to sting. This was so much harder than she had expected. Why hadn't she realized she couldn't just walk into Seattle Grace and just see Alex. She had too many former coworkers and friends that she cared about who had been effected by the tragedy.

"Its okay. If I were you and it was Derek…I would think about him before I thought about anyone else. I think that's the way its suppose to be when you love someone." The tip of Meredith's tongue darted out, ran across her lips, and then retreated. "You do still love him, don't you?"

Izzie hesitated only a moment before nodding. God help her but she did. She would probably die loving Alex Karev.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"_Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You put up all these defenses, you build up a whole set of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like "maybe we should be just friends" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love." Neil Gailman_

A dull ache hummed through Alex Karev's body as he lay staring at the ceiling above his hospital bed. They kept saying he needed more time. More time to heal. More time to make a decision about the bullet lodged in his chest. More time to think. More time to dwell. More time to analyze the mess his life had become. If there was one thing Alex didn't need it was more time in that damn room.

"…was thinking I would smuggle in some of that sparkling cider you love so much along with some baked chicken and those cheesy brussel sprouts you like."

Closing his eyes Alex willed Lexie and her chirpy voice to leave. His mind urged him to tell her he hated sparkling cider, it left his tongue numb and had no real purpose. He hated baked chicken and brussel sprouts as well; especially her baked chicken and brussel sprouts. A small, mean part of him wanted to tell her he hated the way she had started dying her hair blonde, too.

"Alex!"

The bed jarred slightly as she smacked the palm of her hand against the space between his upper thigh and the edge. He winced slightly, hoping she would notice but not surprised when she didn't. Lexie had seemed preoccupied by her own thoughts, her own needs, lately. Alex couldn't say he really blamed her. Almost dying did that to a person. "Sorry. Guess I drifted off. You were saying something about smuggling in some beer and steak?"

Lexie stared at him for a moment, her lips set in a thin line. Slowly her face relaxed and she smiled gently. "I'm not sure I could get beer past the nurses," she said softly. "Steak, though, is another story. I'll remind them that you've lost a lot of blood and need help rebuilding your iron."

A small chuckled escaped his lips as Alex forced himself to smile. It wasn't Lexie's fault that she wasn't…his heart constricted. His mind had wandered a lot of places lately but one place he hadn't let it wander was into the territory where all his memories of Izzie lived. Until now. Lexie wasn't Izzie. She was there though. Lexie hadn't left his side once. He couldn't say the same about Iz. His ex-wife hadn't thought twice about leaving. Twice. Yeah, he had told her to go but he hadn't meant it. His guilt over sleeping with the woman seated next to him had gotten the better of him and he had felt the need to give Izzie an out if she wanted it. And she had wanted it.

"So, what else would like for dinner? Besides steak." A whiff of her too sweet perfume assaulted his nostrils as she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. Under normal circumstances he barely paid attention to how much perfume she wore but trapped in a small room with nothing but her and her sickenly sweet scent it was impossible not to notice. "How about some mashed potatoes? I think Meredith might have some of those instant kind with bacon and cheese in them."

Fake potatoes from a fake blonde. Alex almost chuckled out loud at the irony but couldn't. His mind had slowly veered toward thoughts of Izzie and there was no stopping the thoughts of how she had made the best mashed potatoes. She had boiled them whole and then gently mashed them with real butter, milk, and a little sour cream.

"Oh! I know! I could make some cupcakes too!"

"No!" Alex snapped the word out far harsher than he meant to. There were a lot of things that reminded him of Iz and most of them he just pushed thoughts of her aside but cupcakes were different. Cupcakes had been their thing. They had even developed meanings behind certain kinds. Chocolate with chocolate icing meant some serious dirty thoughts had been going on and the other person was getting jumped when they got home. White with pink icing had been a reminder someone loved them. There had been others with other meanings but those were the two that stuck out in his head then.

"I…I thought you loved cupcakes. I always seen…" Lexie stopped, her head ducking down. She had always seen Izzie giving them to him; that was what she had been about to say, Alex could feel it. He was glad she hadn't. It would have brought whatever it was they had to abrupt end and he wasn't ready to be alone. Not yet.

"Cupcakes were something…" Alex struggled to find the right words. If he wanted to keep Lexie in his life he was going to have to stop comparing her to Iz and he was going to have to start opening up about what was okay and what wasn't. The only problem with that was he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep her around. Yeah, she was kinda fun between the sheets but outside the bedroom what did they have? A big fat nothing and he liked it that way. "Look, if you want to make cupcakes make them. Whatever."

Her face brightened in a way that had his stomach twisting. She was going to go home to Meredith's and make cupcakes. Meaningless cupcakes that he would be expected to eat. "I'll be back soon, okay?" She stood, her body bending toward his as she rose, and pressed a kiss to his cheek before practically skipping out the door.

OOOO

Confusion and anger warred in Lexie's mind as she quietly shut the door to Alex's hospital room. Who did he think he was fooling? Certainly not her. Cupcakes had been something special between him and Izzie. That was all he had to say. He had been about to say it, too, she was sure of that, but something had stopped him. Something always stopped him from opening up to her. She had a fairly good idea that something was left over feelings for his ex-wife.

"I was wondering if you could tell me which room is Dr. Karev's."

A chill rippled down Lexie's spine as a familiar voice drifted over from the nurses station. For months she had waited in fear for Izzie Stevens to return. It had been all consuming at first, but gradually it had lessened until it was no longer there. She should have kept it in check. She should have known Izzie wouldn't stay away. Izzie never fully stayed away.

"Dr. Stevens," Lexie called softly, half hoping the other woman didn't hear her. She had never been good at confrontations and she had no doubt one was about to start. "Right now Dr. Karev isn't available for visits." Denying Izzie access to Alex was a desperate move and one she would probably come to regret but Lexie didn't care. Her world had started crumbling the moment the first shot was fired; she didn't need Izzie knocking down the rest of life as she knew it.

"Are you his doctor?" There was a hardness in Izzie's voice that hadn't been there before and Lexie was woman enough to admit the new coldness scared her. She had been prepared to deal with childish, scatter brained Izzie, not assertive Izzie.

"No," Lexie answered slowly, her mind grasping for a way to break it to the other woman that she was Alex's girlfriend. There was no nice way. There was no good way. There was only coming right out and saying it. "Actually, Izzie, I'm his girlfriend. Yeah. His girlfriend. And I'm saying…as his girlfriend…that he isn't available."

Izzie's full, peach glossed lips parted slightly as she stared at Lexie. There was an odd mixture of hurt and horror in her dark eyes. "You? You're the woman he slept with?" The question was asked in a tone so low Lexie wasn't sure she had heard it but nodded to be on the safe side. "You were at my wedding! You sat in the second row!"

She had her there. Lexie shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her heart beating faster than an 8o8 drum. "You left." It was the only response she could come up with. Nothing was going to sound good and she doubted Izzie would care that it had just been two people needing each other.

"You watched me get married!" Izzie hissed, her golden kissed skin turning a curious shade of red. "Worse, you watched me struggle with cancer."

"You left," Lexie repeated, her voice more assertive than a second before. She wasn't going to back down. Izzie had walked out on her marriage. Any woman who did that had to expect another woman to swoop in, especially if the guy was as great as Alex.

"Does saying that make you feel less like a home wrecking whore?"

A soft gasp whooshed past Lexie's lips. Her first instinct was the say it took one to know one but she stopped herself. There was no comparing what she had done with Alex to what had occurred between Izzie and George. Alcohol couldn't be blamed. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

"And I'm going to go see my husband."

Taking a deep breath, Lexie stepped between the door and Izzie. "He's sleeping, Iz. Something he doesn't do a lot of anymore. If you want to know how he's doing, just ask. I can tell you-"

"I don't care what you can or can't tell me Lexie Grey! I didn't come here to hear how he was doing second hand. I could have called if that is what I wanted. I came because…" Her lips pressed shut but the unspoken words were written all over her face. Izzie had come back because she still loved Alex. Lexie's gut twisted. She loved him too, damn it, and she wasn't going to give him up because Izzie realized she had made a mistake in leaving.

"I get it. You still love him. The thing is, I love him too. You left Izzie. You left and Alex and I started something. I don't really care if you approve or not. I don't really care if you think I'm the reason your marriage failed. What I do care about is Alex. And since you care about him too, I'm hoping you'll do the right thing." Lexie sucked in her breath and waited, silently willing Izzie to leave. Izzie had to leave!

"For the first time, in a long time, Lexie, I am doing the right thing." Izzie raised her chin just a notch, her dark eyes meeting and holding Lexie's. "You're right. I left. I'm here now though and if you think I'm going to leave again just because you say you love Alex you're wrong. And if you think I'm going to let go of Alex, you're wrong about that too."

"He told you to leave," Lexie shrilled. Desperation had her grasping at straws. "He wanted you out of his life! Why can't you respect that!"

"Oh Lexie, if you believe that you really don't know Alex at all."

And there it was. Lexie's biggest fear. She didn't know Alex at all. And if she didn't really know him, then how could she love him?


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: A great big thank you to everyone who is reading this story! While it is always nice to get reviews, it is even nicer to look at the view count and see it go up, up, up! To those of you who have been kind enough to review double thanks! Reading your thoughts, your likes/dislikes, your desire to read more…they all keep me inspired.

Chapter Three

"_Uncertainty will always be a part of the taking charge process." - Harold S. Geneen_

A hollow ache started in the pit of Izzie's stomach and slowly inched its way outward, threatening to consume what little bit of control she had left. Lexie Grey? That was the woman Alex had thrown his wedding vows away for? Lexie Grey? There wasn't anything remarkable about the girl other than her uncanny ability to memorize things. Yet Mark Sloan had fallen for her, and so, it would seem, had Alex.

Under normal circumstances Izzie found the younger woman quirky, in an annoying, have to put up with her because she was Meredith's little sister, sort of way. Now, knowing that Little Miss Quirky had slept with her husband Izzie felt more than annoyance. She felt betrayed. Not just by Alex and Lexie but Meredith as well.

The flight instinct tried to kick in. It probably would have too if Lexie hadn't opened her mouth and spewed out a bunch of crap about loving Alex and how they started something after Izzie left. "I don't really care if you think I'm the reason your marriage failed. What I do care about is Alex. And since you care about him too, I'm hoping you'll do the right thing."

Izzie's jaw tightened. "For the first time, in a long time, Lexie, I am doing the right thing." She raised her chin up a notch and forced herself to meet Lexie's gaze. There was a desperation there that she might have sympathized with if circumstances had been different. She almost felt sorry for the girl. Almost. "You're right. I left. I'm here now though and if you think I'm going to leave again just because you say you love Alex you're wrong. And if you think I'm going to let go of Alex, you're wrong about that too."

"He told you to leave!" The desperation that had been in Lexie's eyes a moment before now echoed in her voice. "He wanted you out of his life! Why can't you respect that!"

The ache in Izzie's soul eased a bit. Whatever love was in Alex and Lexie's relationship was clearly one sided. A woman secure about her man's feelings didn't try so hard to convince others of the relationship. And Lexie was definitely trying to convince her that things were perfect in Alex and Lexie land. Or perhaps, Izzie reasoned, Lexie is trying to convince herself. Whatever was going on between them, Izzie knew one thing: she still stood a chance with her ex-husband and she wasn't going to walk away, not again. "Oh Lexie, if you believe that you really don't know Alex at all."

Ignoring whatever other protests or excuses Lexie might make Izzie slowly pushed the door open. Heart pounding she carefully closed the door and leaned against her, her back to the bed where Alex lay. "You can do this," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. She was a strong woman. Hadn't she proven that to herself time and time again? She had given up Hannah when a weaker woman would have kept their baby. She had survived her mental break down after Denny died. She had picked up the pieces of her broken life when things had ended with George. She had over come a form of cancer that killed more often than not. She was a survivor. She could face Alex Karev and tell him she had made a mistake in leaving.

"Not to be an ass but I'd really rather just be alone." Alex's gruff voice wrapped around her like a familiar blanket. It didn't matter that he sounded annoyed or that the annoyance would probably turn to anger when he realized who had invaded his room.

"Sorry, pal, I know you well enough to know the only reason you want to be alone is so you can plot an escape." She kept her tone light as she flicked on the bathroom light, silently praying he wouldn't tell her to get out. If he would just give her five minutes she was certain she could convince him to hear her out.

"You would know all about plotting escapes," he muttered.

"I learned from the master," Izzie shot back, wincing slightly when she realized taunting him wasn't the wisest course, even if it was from habit. Letting out a sigh, she leaned against the door. "I'm not here to argue with you Alex."

"Then why are you here?"

Meredith had asked her the same question and she had given a vague answer. She couldn't get by doing the same with Alex. He knew her to well. Besides, she owed him the truth. "I needed to see that you were okay."

A myriad of emotions flittered across his handsome face. "Well, as you can see, I'm just fine. You can now go back to wherever you were and do whatever…or whoever…you were doing."

Closing her eyes, Izzie inhaled deeply. He was acting in typical Alex form. Cocky attitude and pushing away before he was left. She wanted to snap at him but couldn't. It was her own fault that he had reverted back to his old habits. She mentally kicked herself for being so selfish all those months ago. If she had stopped to think about things before rushing off she would have realized Webber was doing what he did best…giving his version of events. "If you really want me to leave, I'll leave."

"I think I made that pretty clear the last time we saw each other!" Anger and bitterness, mixed with a touch of sadness, clouded his tone.

"Know what I think? I think you told me to leave because you felt guilty about sleeping with Lexie Grey." Bringing up Lexie was a risky move but she had learned that nothing worth having came without a little risk. If she wanted a second chance at fixing things with Alex she was going to have to take some risks.

"Who told you it was Lexie?"

"She did." Tentatively, Izzie took a step toward him. Her fingers found the hem of her light gray top and started twisting. "Said the two of you were in love and had something good."

His eyes closed as another set of emotions flickered across his face. When he opened them he looked more like the Alex she knew and loved. Calmly and carefully weighing his words. "I didn't think you were coming back." Quietly she told him she why she hadn't returned sooner: she didn't think she could come back. "That's bull Iz and you know it! I stood by you through shit that would have had other guys running. I spooged in a cup with the chief breathing down my neck. I freaking married you!"

"And I was willing to forgive you for cheating on me," Izzie snapped. She couldn't help it. He was acting like he was the only one who had been wronged. They had both messed up. "Yeah, I left. I shouldn't have but I did. I wanted to come back so many times but I didn't know how! I never cheated though. Not once. It never even crossed my mind. Do you know why? Because even though I walked out, I couldn't make myself stop loving you. I still can't. Which is why I swallowed my pride and came to make sure you're stupid ass was okay!"

Fitting back a wave of tears, Izzie reached into the large tote bag she had brought with her. A part of her had known it would go this way. Alex always shut down when he was afraid of getting hurt; and she had hurt him numerous times. "Here. I made this for you. I thought you might want something that wasn't green and slimy." Careful to keep her eyes down cast she sat a plastic container on the small table next to the bed. "Get better, okay?"

XXXXX

Pink frosted white cupcakes. Without opening the container Alex knew that was what he would find. Pink frosted white cupcakes. A reminder that someone loved him. A lump the size of a grapefruit formed in Alex's throat as he watched his ex-wife walk toward the door. Her shoulders were slumped, as though she bore the weight of the world. In some ways he supposed she did. In the past year she had battled cancer, dealt with the death of her best friend, lost her job, gotten married, and then her marriage fail. Any one of those things would have knocked a person down. She had handled them all and was still standing.

The lump grew bigger as her fingers touched the door knob. In a moment she would walk out the door and out of his life forever. A couple months ago that seemed like the right thing. Now, Alex wasn't so sure. Even after all they had put each other through she had still come; and she had brought white cupcakes with pink frosting. That said something. Something big. "Iz, wait."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Wow! I am absolutely at a loss for words over the response this story has gotten! When I started it I figured only a handful of my regulars would read since it is a common topic. You cannot imagine how excited I was to get off work and find that chapter three had 18 reviews! That is amazing. You guys are amazing! I want to dedicate this chapter to Marie. She told me what was what and reassured me that I don't suck!

***I want to make it clear I don't have any ill feelings toward the character of Lexie. I don't think Meredith blames her for anything and I don't think the character is crazy. I am toying with her losing her grip on everything. This will make sense by the end of the chapter***

Chapter Four

"_You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming someone else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on." Oprah Winfrey_

A wave of panic crested and surged forward, threatening to consume any sense of sanity Lexie had managed to hold onto. It seemed that everywhere she turned there was someone waiting in the wings to take what belonged to her. Cristina has stolen Meredith's sisterly affection. God had stolen George. Mr. Clark had stolen her peace of mind. And now Izzie was trying to steal Alex. When did it stop? When did Lexie Grey get to find and keep something?

"I know that look." Meredith observed as she walked toward her younger sister. Lexie blinked, stared at her sister for a moment, and then turned her attention back to the door that led to Alex's room. He hadn't thrown Izzie out the way she had hoped. He hadn't told her to go away and stay away.

"What look," Lexie asked, purposely keeping her tone void of emotion. The last thing she wanted was Meredith pretending to care. Occasionally they had what felt like genuine sisterly moments but most of the time it felt fake; like Meredith was forcing herself to care because it was expected of her.

"That look. The one you have right now." The tip of one of Meredith's long, slender fingers tapped against Lexie's cheek. "The one that says you lost something and you don't know how or why."

The observation hit too close for comfort. Lexie hadn't lost Alex yet but she knew the longer Izzie was in that room the closer the inevitable came. And it was inevitable. Her relationship with Alex had been riding on borrowed time. She was wise enough to realize that. The longer things had gone on, the more optimistic she had become about turning borrowed time into actual time. "I'm so confused," she said softly. "I have no idea what to think or feel anymore."

"None of us do, Lex." A gentle arm wrapped around her shoulders. Another pretentious gesture on Meredith's part. Lexie knew deep down Meredith had things she wanted to say but didn't. She knew her sister blamed her for everything that had happened. Izzie leaving. The shooter. Her miscarriage. Deep down Meredith blamed Lexie. "It was a horrible thing that none of us should have to deal with."

They wouldn't be dealing with it if Lexie had ignored the DNR. If she had gone with the husband's wishes over the patient's none of it would have happened. "We are dealing with it though! And saying we shouldn't have to doesn't make it go away! It doesn't make the nightmares stop!" Her eyes started to sting as she put all her energy into willing Alex's door open. If she could just hold on to that relationship then maybe a small bit of her faith could be restored. Maybe, if Alex chose her over Izzie, she wasn't a lost cause.

"You're right. It doesn't make anything better. You know what though, neither does dwelling on it. We can't spend the rest of our lives in fear that another Gary Clark is going to walk into our lives. We'd never live, Lexie."

Maybe she didn't want to live. Maybe the world would be a better place if Lexie Gray wasn't in it. She didn't realize she had said the thoughts aloud until she heard Meredith's gasp. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just…Alex is all I have left Meredith! And right now Izzie…Izzie freaking Stevens…is in there telling him she still loves him!"

"Lexie, I tried to tell you not to start something with Alex. In fact, I told you that you would end up hurt. Alex…Alex is complicated in ways you can't even begin to imagine. Ways that have nothing to do with his relationship with Izzie." Tucking her lower lip between her teeth Meredith stared at Lexie expectantly, as though she was waiting for a response. She wouldn't get one. Lexie wasn't in the mood to play along. "He's just like…"

"Just like you were three years ago!" Lexie finished. It was the same old, same old. Alex was in a dark twisty place that Lexie couldn't understand because she wasn't dark and twisty. Well, then what was she? She felt pretty dark and twisty at the moment.

"Go ahead. Mock me. I'm being serious though. I look at Alex and I see how I use to be before Derek came into my life." Lexie couldn't resist pointing out all the ups, downs, and twists that had occurred in the relationship. "Nobody said love was easy, Lexie. Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones you hurt the most."

A crack started in her heart. It wasn't just Meredith and Derek that Meredith was talking about; it was Alex and Izzie too. They had hurt each other out of anger, desperation, and fear. She understood that a little too well. It was the exact same thing she had done to Mark. "Love sucks."

"Yup. Pretty much." The arm around her shoulders tightened and a hint of lavender hit Lexie's nostrils as Meredith leaned her head against Lexie's. "I'm worried about you Lex."

The stinging worsened. Why did Meredith do this to her? Why did she toy with her feelings? They would share a great moment and then, when it came down to it, Meredith would choose Cristina. Or Izzie, now that her other BFF was back. "I'm fine," lied Lexie.

"You're not fine. If you were you wouldn't be freaking out about Izzie coming back."

Meredith was wrong. Dead wrong. Even if the whole Gary Clark fiasco hadn't occurred she would still be freaking out about Izzie coming back. A sob caught in her throat as it all came crashing down. A million what if's ran through her head. What if she hadn't slept with Alex. What if she hadn't let herself get caught up in the idea of making Mark jealous by showing him someone else wanted her. What if she hadn't broke up with Mark to begin with. Bowing her head, she covered her face and let out a whimper. How had she let her life become such a mess? When had she become the pathetic girl who couldn't get it right?

XXXX

There should be a manual on how to be a big sister, Meredith thought with a grimace as she absent mindedly patted Lexie on the back. If Lexie had been like Cristina she would dragged her to Joe's, bought her a couple drinks, and trash talked the miserable asshole who made her feel like dirt. Lexie wasn't like Cristina though and tequila and man bashing wasn't going to cut it. She was going to have to come up with some words of wisdom or something equally horrific.

"Do you remember when you first met Alex?" Meredith asked softly. It was times like this she wished she believed in a higher power. She said a silent prayer anyways, on the off chance He existed and was listening.

"We had sex, Meredith. Sex that he forgot about. I don't really like to that about those days, okay?" Lexie squeaked, unburying her face. Red rings marred her eyes and snot dripped from her nose. Meredith fought back a cringe.

"You might not want to think about those days, Lexie, but I think you should. I think if you had thought about those days from the very beginning you might have saved yourself some of this heart ache." It wasn't exactly sweet words of comfort but Meredith had learned being gentle didn't work with Lexie. The younger woman always took a few nice words and ran with them; she twisted them to fit her needs. "He used you because he didn't think he could have Izzie."

"And you think that's what he did this time, too."

Silently, Meredith sent up a thank you. Something had sunk in. Lexie was finally getting it. It wasn't Lexie, it was Alex. Relationship wise the man was worthless to any woman but Izzie. The two had a complicated history and would probably have a complicated future. Most of Seattle Grace knew better than to get mixed up in the mess. Unfortunately her silly sister hadn't gotten that memo. "It doesn't have anything to do with you not being good enough. You are. And if he had met you before he met Izzie I am sure you two could have had a great relationship." Liar, liar, liar! She felt a smidgeon of guilt but quickly got over it. If one small lie made Lexie feel better it was worth telling. "So, don't let this mess you up, okay?"

"You think I'm messed up because Alex is probably going to dump me for his ex-wife?"

Meredith shifted from one foot to the other. "No. I think you're focusing on that so you don't have to focus on what Gary Clark did." It was a tricky, possibly hurtful, move but it had to be done. Everyone walked around on egg shells, as though they were afraid to talk about what happened.

"What you really mean is, I am using Alex and Izzie as a distraction so I don't have to face the fact that what Gary Clark did is my fault!"

Whatever Meredith had been expecting Lexie to say it hadn't been that. "Lexie…"

"Don't!" Her sister held up one hand and took a step back, breaking the physical contact they'd had. "I know its my fault Meredith! I knew he didn't want his wife taken off life support but I did it anyways."

"Because it was what the patient wanted." The way Lexie was shaking her head said she didn't care. "Lexie, as doctors our responsibility is to the patient. Not their loved ones. It isn't your fault that Mr. Clark…"

"I knew he wasn't acting right, Meredith. I knew he wasn't behaving the way he should. I could have called psych but I didn't. I brushed him off. And look what happened because of that? He killed people! He hurt people we love, Meredith! And I could have stopped him."

Closing her eyes, Meredith sent up another prayer. It wasn't uncommon for a doctor to think they were so powerful they were in charge of the universe. "I'm not an overly religious person Lexie, but the last time I checked you weren't God."

"I never said I was!"

"Maybe not, but you're sure acting like you are. Gary Clark was going to snap no matter who pulled that plug. He was crazy. Nothing you did caused that!" Mentally she made a note to talk to Derek about forcing the issue of after care. Lexie had refused to see the counselors the hospital had hired but now, well now Meredith was thinking her sister shouldn't have been given a choice in the matter. "I think you should talk to someone."

"Someone? Like a shrink? Oh my God! You think I'm going crazy because of this don't you? Well I'm not! Why don't you do me a favor and go bug someone else. I don't need you and I don't want you!"

Shock slammed into Meredith as she stepped back, allowing Lexie to stalk past her. How could she have failed so miserably at being a sister? Fighting back a string of curse words she tugged her cell phone from her back pocket. Lexie was going to kill her but she didn't care. Something had to be done. Inhaling deeply, Meredith sent off a text to the one person she knew would get through to her sister: Mark Sloan.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: I am humbled by the response this story has gotten. I know some of you are here strictly for the Alex and Izzie chapters and the fact that you are hanging in there through the rest of the story really means a lot. I hope this chapter meets your expectations. Contrary to how it might seem by the end of this chapter this story is far from over. ;) _

_Chapter Five _

"_But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe_

The brilliant glare of the sun sparkling off rain puddles in the parking lot had Izzie wishing she had thought to grab her sunglasses from the glove box of her car. Squinting against the brilliant shine she fought back the urge to yawn. Twenty hours of working on, and finally giving up on, a seventeen year old assault victim had drained her. Her biggest regret over losing Katie McPherson was the nagging feeling that her head hadn't been in the game. The entire time she worked on putting the girl back together all she could think about was Alex begging her to stay out of his life…again!

"Let it go, Iz," she muttered as she dug her Hello Kitty keychain out of her purse. When he had first asked her to wait her heart had skipped a beat. In that moment she had been certain he was going to tell her he still loved her and needed her in his life. Instead, he had told her he didn't want to hurt her again and since that was all he seemed capable of doing could she please do them both a favor and forget he existed. Shock had kept her mouth shut and her feet moving. Two weeks later and she was still in shock. Logically she knew he didn't actually mean it, that he was trying to do what he thought was the right thing. Emotionally she wanted to sit and cry until she couldn't cry anymore.

Blinking rapidly she told herself not to cave. So far she had been strong and not given into the urge to sob. It wasn't that Alex wasn't worth a good bought of tears, he was, she just knew that once she started there would be no stopping. She couldn't afford the emotional trauma, not when patients depended on her. Again, she wondered if she could have done something more for Katie.

"Let it go, Iz," she repeated, hoping none of her neighbors heard her talking to herself. Most of them knew she was a doctor but there were some who looked at her strangely when she came in from a shift. She didn't need them gossiping about how the odd woman in 325 talked to herself. Only crazy people talked to themselves aloud. Maybe she was crazy because only a crazy person would still love a man who had cheated on her…more than once…and kicked her out of his life…more than once.

Still muttering, Izzie unlocked the boring, gray metal door to her pocket size apartment. It wasn't much larger than Meredith's living room but it was her's. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she tossed her tote bag in the general direction of the cream colored sofa and unzipped her dark washed jeans. One of the best things about having her own place was stripping down to nothing but a pair of panties and a tank top the moment she walked through the door.

Izzie didn't bother covering the giant yawn that rounded her full, pink lips. She could almost hear the bed calling her name. Could almost feel the cool Egyptian cotton caressing her skin. "I have been up too long," she muttered, twisting her arms around to unhook her bar. Grimacing she finagled the bit of purple lace off and threw it over her shoulder. She would worry about picking up her trail of clothes later. Right now she needed sleep. A deep sleep where all thoughts of Alex, her broken heart, and the craziness that was life disappeared.

All thoughts of sleep skidded to a halt the moment her eyes landed on a large, unknown mass beneath her lilac color comforter. Inhaling deeply she wondered how far her cell phone was and how quickly she could get to it. Her heart skipped a beat as the lump moved and one long, tanned arm appeared. A familiar long, tanned arm. Anger quickly replaced fear. Reaching down, she yanked back the covers. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Alex wrinkled his brow as he sat up far enough to reach for the covers she had just taken from him. "I was trying to sleep."

"Don't you have…oh I don't know…your own bed to sleep in? In a house you didn't have to break into?" Izzie wasn't sure what made her more angry. The fact that he was there after telling her to get out of his life two weeks ago or the fact that he was there and she hadn't let him in. Since her lock hadn't been broken Alex was either really adept at breaking and entering or her sorry excuse of a landlord had let him in.

"Your landlord let me in," Alex yawned, sitting up the rest of the way. "And I don't have my own bed. Not really." His sleepy hazel gaze roved over her body, making her very aware of the fact that she only wore a pair of hot pink Hello Kitty panties and a black tank top.

"What happened to your bed at Meredith's?" Izzie asked, tucking her lower lip between her teeth. She shifted from one foot to the other, wondering if she should put something more on or ignore the way her ex-husband was looking her up and down. She didn't know why he was bothering, other than being fifteen pounds lighter she looked the same.

"I no longer have a bed at Meredith's."

It was impossible to believe Meredith would kick him out; one, he was still dating Meredith's sister, and two the man had just been released from the hospital. Yet, something had to of happened for him to show up at Izzie's apartment. Something had made it impossible for him to finish recuperating at Meredith's. "What happened?" God she wished she didn't care, that she could be just tell him to get out and slam the door after him. Her heart was still too weak. Every beat was him.

Alex let out a sigh. How did he explain to Izzie that she was what had happened? Before she had walked back into his life he had been content. Yeah, there had been days he missed her so much the pain was almost unbearable but most of the time Lexie had been enough of a distraction that he got through. Even after Gary Clark shot his world to hell he had been fine. Maybe his life had been shattered but he'd had a plan for picking up the pieces. A plan that hadn't included her. She hadn't gotten that memo though and she'd slammed back into his world, back into his heart, and no matter how many times he told himself, or her, that he wanted her gone it wasn't true. He needed her. "Lexie and I broke up. It would have been awkward."

It wasn't a lie. Lexie and he had called it quits. She had broached the subject before he could but it had been a mutual parting. Both needed healing and neither had what it was going to take to make the other whole. The break up wasn't why he had left Meredith's though. Good ole Meredith had begged him not to, had said she would talk to Lexie about keeping the peace. When he told her it wasn't about Lexie she had asked him where he was going. The moment he said Izzie's understanding had dawn in her eyes. He hadn't had to explain. Meredith had just known. He was going to do what he should have done the first time Izzie left: he was going to find his wife and fix his marriage.

"That doesn't explain why you're here," Izzie prompted. Confusion mingled with exhaustion shown in her dark eyes. She looked ready to drop; from shock or lack of sleep, he wasn't sure. "Or how you sweet talked my landlord into letting you in."

"I'm your husband," he answered. It worked for both questions. The landlord had been skeptical at first but once he produced the marriage license the old lady had been more than willing to let him in. Not once had the blue haired pitt bull asked why he didn't have his own key or if Izzie knew he was there. It was a little scary how easily he gained access to the apartment.

"Ex-husband."

Looking down Alex fought to find the right words. He'd signed the papers, had been prepared to send them back, but his brother showing up and needing surgery had distracted him. Then Gary Clark had come along. Somewhere between the two events he had forgotten to send the papers back. "We're not divorced."

"What do you mean we're not divorced?"

"I didn't send the papers back."

The bed shook as she dropped down on the edge. She stared at him in shock, her fingers twisting together. "What do you mean you didn't send the papers in?"

"Just that. I didn't send them back. I signed them. Put them in the return envelope. And then forgot about them."

Her eyes snapped to attention and her lips thinned. "How the hell do you forget to send divorce papers in Alex?"

"I don't know Iz. Maybe I was too busy worrying about my little brother and getting shot."

A blush crept into her cheeks at the reminder of what he had been through. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I'm sorry." Her fingers shook slightly as she reached up to push her shoulder length blonde curls off her face. The movement drew her shoulders back and pressed her full breasts against the thin cotton of her tank top. "We'll send them off later today, or tomorrow."

"What if I don't want to send them off?" Alex asked quietly, scooting closer to where she sat. "What if I'm sorry for telling you get out of my life and I want us to start over."

"Is that what you want? To start over?" Her lips barely moved and the words were hardly over a whisper. He could hear her heart pounding. Or was that his? It didn't matter. Their hearts were connected. They were connected.

"Yeah. It is."

Golden hair shielded her face as she tucked her chin against her chest. Her fingers stilled. Everything about her seemed to still. "I'm not sure we can." When she looked back up there was tears in her eyes. "We've hurt each other so much Alex. It's like that's all we do…hurt each other. I'm so tired of the pain. If we tried and failed again I don't think I could take it."

"We don't always hurt each other," he reminded her. Inhaling deeply he risked their fragile bond by caressing her cheek. She leaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering closed. Trailing his fingers down her jaw line he moved closer. He brushed his lips across her's, his heart beating wildly when she sighed the way she use to when he kissed her. Taking it as an invitation he captured her mouth with his. The fingers of one hand threaded through her hair, holding her captive. Her hands slid up his chest, the palm of her right one resting over his heart. He half-way expected her to push away. She didn't. Instead she pushed closer, pressing her body against his. He had her. If he wanted her…physically…he had her. It wasn't enough though. He wanted all of her. Heart. Body. Soul. He wanted his wife back. Gently, he broke the kiss.

"Alex?" Izzie stared at him, bewildered. He slid the hand that was tangled in her hair down her back, gathering her into his embrace.

"We can do this, Iz," he pleaded, burying his face in her neck. "We can. I know it. I can feel it. We can do this." He held her tighter when she would have drawn back. "I'm not letting go Iz. Not this time. I'm never letting go."


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Again I must thank my readers! You guys really make my day. Especially those of you who took the extra time to review. Words cannot express my gratitude. This next chapter is short but I do think it is important.

Chapter Six

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time." Mark Twain

_The eerie sound of foot steps falling on tile echoed in her ears as she stood there, frozen. It was him. The shooter. Gary Clark. She didn't have to be told. She could feel it. There had been something off about him from the very beginning. Squeezing her eyes shut she waited for him to do what he had come to do: kill her. _

_The footsteps stopped. Nothing happened. Slowly she opened her eyes. Gary Clark was no where to be found. In his place stood Reed. Pixie like Reed with a hole in her head and blood running down her face. "You did this me!" _

A startled scream froze in Lexie's throat as she bolted upright. Sweat beaded along her hairline and trickled down her cheeks. She let out a whimper and drew her legs up to her chest. The nightmares had started the day Izzie showed up. She didn't think there was a connection between the horrors that woke her at night and the woman whose husband she had slept with but who really knew. Maybe something about Izzie had triggered it all. Or maybe she was just messed up in the head.

"Lexie?"

Meredith's sleepy voice drifted through the darkness, followed by a dim light flicking on at the end of the hall. Lexie shifted around, her hands searching for Alex's pillow. It was a little sick, sleeping in his bed, with his comforter and his pillow. She would like to think it was out of habit, not out of any lingering feelings she might still have. It was over. It had been destined to be over from the very start.

"Are you okay?"

Lexie didn't know how to answer. She wasn't okay. Her days were infested with sympathetic looks, Mark, and rumors that she needed to be locked on the psych floor. Her nights were plagued with terrors; some were memories and some, like the one she had just experienced, were twisted versions of what had happened. "I'm fine," she managed she choke out. If she didn't say something Meredith would worry more. She had already put her sister through enough.

"Are you sure?"

No. She was anything but sure. She forced herself to say she was but Meredith didn't seem to buy it. The bed jostled as her older sister crawled up next to her. She felt a pair of slender but strong arms wrap around her. Lips trembling Lexie curled into the embrace. "What's wrong with me?"

"I think you know," Meredith whispered, stroking her dark hair off the side of her face. "You need to talk to someone Lex. You can't keep going on like this."

Talk to someone. Everyone kept saying that. Mark. Alex. Meredith. Even Cristina Yang had told her she needed to talk to someone. Didn't they know it wouldn't help? The guilt would still be there. Charlie and Reed's deaths would still be hanging over her head.

"Derek says if you don't get it together he's going to have to suspend you Lex. He doesn't want to but he might not have any choice."

Squeezing her eyes shut Lexie tried to find a happier place. A place where men didn't go around shooting up hospitals and she didn't spend her nights alone. She wanted to feel safe again, to know the world wasn't going to come crashing down any second. Where images of coworkers with holes in their heads didn't haunt her.

"Lexie? Did you hear me? You have to talk to someone or the hospital…"

"I heard you!" Lexie cried, bolting away. She felt her chest heaving and her heart racing. "I'll talk to someone okay? I'll tell them all about how I brought a mad man into our hospital."

Meredith's cool, slender fingers reached out toward her. She backed away. "Lexie. You didn't…"

Lexie clapped her hands over her ears. She didn't want to hear any more lies. She just wanted a little peace.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: I think I started this chapter and hit delete five times. Not to sure how I feel about how it turned out but I think it holds its own against what happened on the Premiere. I also know you will probably go WHY toward the end of this chapter. I promise I will make it up to you very, very soon! _

Chapter Seven

_Peace is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it. _

The stench of fear permeated the air as Alex tried to claw his way through the reoccurring nightmare that plagued him night after night. Images of Reed lying on the floor, blooding oozing from the hole in her head gave way to images of Izzie smiling at him, her hand held out with a pink frosted white cupcake sitting on her palm. All he had to do was reach out and take it. When he took it, when he held it in his hand, he realized it wasn't a cupcake but a gun and the girl lying on the floor wasn't Reed, she was Izzie.

"Izzie," he cried out, jerking awake. His heart raced as he lay there, staring up at the ceiling. Glancing to his left he found Izzie's side of the bed empty. Blood started to roar in his ears until he realized the shower was running in the bathroom. He sent up a silent thank you that she hadn't been next to him, hadn't witnessed the effects the dream had on him. The last thing he wanted was her realizing how deeply the shooting had effected him. He knew they would have to have the conversation at some point but at the moment he wanted to focus on getting things right between the two of them.

"Alex?" Izzie poked her head out from the narrow door that led to the tiny bathroom just off the bedroom. Her hair hung in wet ringlets around her face; a face twisted in concern. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Answering a question with a question; a vague response if ever there was one. Alex knew it wouldn't satisfy Izzie but he was hoping she accepted it. He had hoped in vain, he realized when she stepped out of the bathroom, wearing only a plum colored towel.

"You yelled my name," reminded Izzie, sitting on the edge of the bed. He wished she would either go back in the bathroom or put something on. Having her that close, wearing next to nothing, was a distraction he didn't need. Wanted, yes, but didn't need. He shrugged, knowing she would push for more. "Alex," she said softly, "please don't shut me out."

Letting out a sigh, Alex scrubbed a hand down his face. "It was just a dream. No big deal."

One perfectly shaped eyebrow raised as Izzie reclined back on the bed. "No big deal, huh?"

What sort of man admitted to having nightmares where cupcakes became guns and dead colleagues became dead wives? How did he explain how scared he had been when it sunk in that he'd been shot and could very well die? How did he tell her he was still terrified? Real men didn't let their fear rule their lives, or dreams. "Do we have to talk about this," he begged in a low voice.

"I think you need to," Izzie soothed, sitting up again. Her towel slipped slightly, revealing the peak of one perfectly formed breast. It was almost like she was torturing him into getting help. "Alex, you almost died. That alone screws with a person. Trust me, I know." Her chin dropped to her collar bone and her long, slender fingers plucked at the hem of the towel. "You watched a co-worker bleed to death right in front of you."

He didn't bother correcting her on the fact that Reed had died the moment the bullet entered her skull. She didn't want or need those kind of details. Hell, he didn't want or need those details but he was stuck with them. "If you can't talk to me then we need to find you someone you can talk to," she went on. The fingers that had been plucking at the towel moments before reached out, brushing against his hand. He took hold, twining their fingers together and squeezed tightly. She squeezed back, easing some of the uncertainty he had been clinging to.

"I keep reliving it," he started, his tone rough and low.

"Alex, you don't have to-"

He cut her off with by shaking his head. He knew he didn't have to tell her and that was partially why he wanted to. In the past Izzie had pushed, pushed, and pushed until he felt like he had no choice but to share. It felt good knowing he didn't have to. It also made him want to. "I keep having the same dream. At first it's like a memory. Like I'm reliving what happened. Then somehow it changes and you're there." His voice started to shake. He thought he could tell her. Now he wasn't so sure. "It's fine at first. Like you're there to make things better but then everything changes again and it isn't Reed bleeding to death, it's…" he inhaled deeply, "it's you."

Izzie stared at him for a moment, her dark eyes blank. "I don't know anything about dreams Alex. I wish I did. I know people say dreams are our subconscious's way of helping us face our fears." She scooted around so that she faced him, one hand clutching the towel to her chest as it started to come undone. "I know how you feel about therapist but Alex I really think you should talk to one."

He shook his head. "No shrinks, Iz."

"They're probably going to want you to talk to one before you go back to work. Why not be one step ahead of them? Why not…" Alex shook his head again. Shrinks were nothing but back stabbing liars who said they wanted to help but really they just wanted to get enough information on you to hang you out to dry. He'd been down that road before and he wasn't going down it again. "Alex, you have to deal with what happened. I know you think you're big and bad, Mr. Tough Guy, but even tough guys need help from time to time. If I could help you through this I would. I can't though."

"Fine," Alex spat out, throwing back the covers. He should have known it was too good to be true. Izzie always bailed when things looked like they were going to get rough. Why would this time be any different? He looked around for his clothes and found them neatly folded on the trunk that served as a coffee table. He started toward them, blocking out Izzie calling his name until he felt her cool fingers digging into his bicep.

"What are you doing?" Izzie demanded, stepping in front of him.

"What does it look like?" he growled, trying to side-step around her. She wouldn't let him. If he moved to the right she moved to the right. If he moved to the left she moved to the left.

"It looks like you're trying to walk away," she answered. "Correct me if I'm wrong Alex, but didn't you tell me last night you weren't letting go?" Damn. She was throwing his words back at him. "Well what you're doing looks a lot like letting go. Luckily for you, I've grown up a lot since…well since the last time we…" Her cheeks pinked, and her chest heaved. "Look, I've grown up a lot since I walked out on you. I'm not that same woman. I've had time to think about what I want from life, how I want to live it, and who I want to live it with. You're it for me." Her throat worked up and down as she stared at him, her eyes pleading with him to say something, anything. He couldn't. The words seemed stuck in the emotional ball that was lodged in his throat.

"I love you," Izzie whispered, stepping closer. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she lay her forehead against his, their lips a breath apart. "I love you," she repeated before brushing her lips across his. Her mouth moved to the left, pressing butterfly like kisses along his jaw line. "I love you."

Love. Alex could count on one hand the women he had said those words to. His mother. His first grade teacher. And the woman before him. The first two had been expected. All little boys loved their mothers and had at least one teacher that left them feeling awestruck. Izzie had been unexpected. He hadn't wanted to love her and once he had he had tried talking himself out of it. He hadn't been able to; not even after she had left him. For him love and Izzie Stevens seemed to be connected. They were connected.

"I love you too," Alex murmured back, sliding his fingers into her thick, dark gold hair. Closing his eyes he caught her mouth in a kiss. No more playing games. He was too old for them and life was too short. His tongue slipped past her lips, teasing and caressing the recess of her mouth. She moaned softly, pressing her body against his. It was the only invitation he needed.

Reaching between them he loosened the towel, grinning when it crumpled to the floor. Her body was thinner, maybe a little too thin, but her breasts were just as full he remembered them, her legs just as long. His fingers itched to explore every inch of her, to reacquaint themselves with her flesh. To trace her tattoos with his tongue. She had a new one, on her hip, some four letter word in fancy script over a hot pink heart.. He would start there.

Gently pressing her onto the rolled arm of the sofa, Alex knelt before her, intent of discovering the secret of her newest tattoo. His breath caught in his throat as he made out the letters. Alex. "You left a permanent mark on my heart," she murmured, a lazy smile on her lips. "Was going to surprise you with it when I came back, but…" her voice trailed off.

_But you slept with Lexie and told me to leave. _The words unspoken but heard none the less. He rest his forehead against her naked thigh. Her fingers splayed across his scalp. "Past is past, Alex. We can't live there." She was right. He knew she was right. It still hurt. So much wasted time. So many mistakes that could have been prevented if they had just talked to each other. "Stop thinking about it. We both messed up, okay? We've learned from our mistakes."

"I'm sorry Iz."

Izzie blinked, her brows knitting together. "For what?"

Raising his head, Alex stared up at her. She looked genuinely confused. "For everything. For not noticing you were sick. For not being a better husband. For sleeping with Lexie. For telling you to leave when really I wanted you stay. I'm just…sorry."

"I'm sorry to. I should have told you…" her voice trailed off in a sigh, followed by a snorting laugh. "God, there are so many things I should have told you! I will tell you. One day soon, after we get through what you're going through, we'll sit down and talk about all the ugly things I should have told you before."

After they got through what he was going through. A reminder of his nightmares. A reminder of the hell Gary Clark had put him through. A reminder that he didn't have to go through it alone. "If you think I need to talk to someone, I'll talk to them" he whispered, a lump forming in his throat. He would do it for her. He would do it for them. He would do it for their future.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: I want to thank everyone for their kind reviews. I know some of you are disappointed that this story hasn't been strictly Alex/Izzie and that things seem a little slow, bleak, etc. right now but the big stuff is coming. We just have to get through this chapter. This chapter is the start of a turning point. You will see happy times coming, along with some surprises that should make you sqee! I will give you one hint: it has something to do with the conversation between Dr. Bailey and Izzie. 

P.S. I know the characters are a little OOC. If you could offer up suggestions on fixing that it would be greatly appreciated.

Dedication: This chapter is for Roo and Emma. Roo your messages always come when I need a little pick me up and Emma you did more than just read through this, you gave me the assurance it wasn't lame.

Chapter Eight

_For all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams. _

The scent of warm vanilla and sugar cookies tantalized Alex's nostrils as he stood in the doorway of the group therapy room he had been directed to. When he had agreed to Izzie's suggestion of talking to someone he hadn't thought it would be as part of a group or that he'd have to talk about his feelings in front of others. _Or that those others would be people I know,_ he thought with a grimace as he spotted both Cristina and Meredith. They occupied two of the twelve chairs that were positioned in a circle on the perimeter of the room.

"Give it a try," Izzie whispered, her breath hot on his neck. Her hand reached for his and squeezed. "If you're not comfortable you don't have to say anything and you don't have to come back. We'll find you someone to talk to at Tacoma, okay?"

He wanted to say it wasn't okay, that he wanted to find someone at Tacoma now. He kept his mouth shut though and nodded. Izzie had gone through the trouble of finding out about this group, the least he could do was give it a shot. The last thing he wanted to do was have her thinking he didn't appreciate her efforts; especially since their reconciliation was less than a day old.

"You'll do great," his wife encouraged, squeezing his hand again. Alex forced himself to smile back as she propelled them further into the room. Shifting uncomfortable from foot to foot he scanned the available seats, trying to decide whether or not he wanted to sit by Cristina and Meredith or find his own spot. Cristina saved him the trouble by demanding that Izzie get her ass over there and explain where the hell she had been.

"Nice to see you too, Yang," Izzie laughed. The color in her cheeks was a little to high and her eyes a little too bright, a clear sign that she was nervous. Her fingers tightened on his even more. It was his turn to offer a reassuring squeeze. They would get through this together; him with the group therapy and her with dealing with questions from well meaning friends.

"Seriously, you dumped your cancer on my lap and then bailed. Twice. None of us hear from you for months and then you waltz back in like you…" Cristina stopped, pressing her lips together. Then it happened. Something Alex thought impossible where Cristina was concerned. Tears formed in the dark, almond shaped eyes. "Damn it Iz you can't do that to people."

Izzie sank onto the chair next to Cristina, leaving him to sit next to Meredith. He had thought about sitting on the other side of Izzie but he knew she would be leaving once the session started. Victims only. "I know," she responded softly, "and I'm sorry."

"Well, alright then." Cristina nodded. "Just…don't do it again, okay?"

Nodding her head, Izzie leaned forward, like she was going to hug Cristina, seemed to think better of it, and decided to stand. She paused before Meredith, a wistful look on her face. "We need to talk."

Meredith stared at her for a moment before nodding. "You're right. We do." There was a faux sort of hardness to their friend's voice that made Alex wonder what had been said between the two before Izzie left. Whatever it had been, it had cut Meredith deep. "I'm suppose to be off today. So I guess after we all hold hands and talk about our secret pain you and I can…" Her voiced trailed off and her gaze averted toward the doorway.

Alex followed her gaze, as did Izzie. Mark Sloan stood there, gripping Lexie by the elbow. Ah hell. He hadn't figured on Lexie sitting in on the session. He should have though. It made sense. She had been through the same hell as the rest of them and the last time he had seen her she had been standing on the edge of losing it, her toes curled over.

"It'll be okay," Izzie murmured as she bent to kiss his cheek and give him a quick hug. He felt like a kindergartner being left by his mother for the first time. And like a kindergartner he wanted to beg her not to leave him. She had to though. It was a closed session. Victims only. He cringed as he thought about the label that had been slapped on him and the other people slowly filling the room. They were all victims. The whole hospital had been a victim. Gary Clark had turned them from power hungry surgeons into shell shocked victims.

The strong fingers gripping Lexie's arm felt like iron bands. It took every ounce of her courage to not yank free and run. The only thing that kept her from doing that was knowing Mark would run after her and drag her back. It would have seemed sweet if she didn't know for a fact that Derek had ordered him to make sure she went to therapy. Lexie could have probably gotten past that too if she hadn't heard Meredith begging him to help her. It had taken her sister five tries to get Mark to agree. That stung.

Mark nudged her further into the room. God she didn't want to be there. She didn't want to sit around telling her coworkers that she couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, and she wasn't sure she wanted to live. They would look at her with pity. Or disgust. Neither emotion appealed to her. She just wanted to be left alone to cope the best way she knew how. Why couldn't they do that? Why did Derek have to give orders? Why did Meredith have to interfere? And why the hell did Mark have to pretend he still cared?

"Do you want me to stay?" Mark asked quietly. It was on the tip of Lexie's tongue to tell him to take a hike but couldn't make the words come out. She knew what was coming. They were going to make her talk about the night terrors and the misplaced guilt. She couldn't do that alone and she knew better than to expect Meredith to be her rock. Meredith had her own problems she was trying to work through without holding Lexie's hand through therapy.

"Please don't leave me," she whispered, her fingers blindly searching for his. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before wrapping her smaller hand in his larger, stronger one.

"I never left," he said softly, squeezing her fingers until they felt numb. Her eyes started to burn as her mind digested what he had said. Thinking back she realized he was right. He hadn't been the one to leave. She had. Emotionally. Physically. She had walked out long before they actually broke up. Even before Sloan she had started distancing herself. He wanted things she wasn't ready for.

"I know." Her voice shook and her eyes burned even more as she struggled to find her voice, her real voice. She was tired of having some scared little girl do her thinking and answering for her. A tear slipped down her cheek as she let Mark lead her toward the closest set of empty chairs. They were across the room from where Cristina, Meredith, Alex and Izzie sat. Alex and Izzie. Seeing the two of them together brought the taste of bile to her mouth. Her heart lurched and tightened. She had sat in the second row of their wedding, in awe of how in love they were, and thinking someday she wanted someone to think the same thing about her and Mark.

Balling up her fist, Lexie pressed her knuckles to her mouth. What had she done? It all came crashing down at once. The guilt that ate at her had very little to do with Gary Clark and everything to do with the couple sitting next to her sister. She could no longer justify what she had done by saying Izzie had left or that Alex had wanted Izzie out of his life.

"Lexie," Mark murmured, his breath hot on her neck. "You can do this. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. She choked back a sob when she felt him brush a lock of hair off her check. "You can do this." She shook her head again. "Lexie. You can do this. Look at me." Reluctantly, Lexie met Mark's gaze. She felt as those the silvery blue orbs were piercing through to her soul; as though he could see all her regrets and uncertainties. "You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You can do whatever it is Dr. Perkins wants you to do. Do you know why?"

"Because I'm stronger than I give myself credit for," she suggested with a small sniff. She use to be strong. She use to have a subtle but strong approach to life. Now she was just pathetic and dripped snot like a leaky faucet dripped water.

"Yeah you are. That isn't the answer I was looking for though," Mark chuckled, tucking another lock of hair behind her ear. "You're Lexie Grey, that's why. And the Lexie Grey I know and care about doesn't let assholes like Gary Clark run her life."

Mark cared. Everything else he was saying became a muffled murmur after those words left his mouth. Mark still cared. Inhaling deeply, Lexie squared her shoulders back. She could do this. Knowing that after everything was said and done Mark still cared gave her the courage she needed to face whatever Dr. Perkins through at her.

Nervous energy coursed through Izzie as she forced herself to walk away from Alex. _It isn't walking away_, she reminded herself as she slowly walked toward the door. She would have given anything to stay with him, to help him get through what came next. After she had left her mother had forced her to attend the survivors group at the church behind the trailer park. It had felt weird, sitting there with people she had known growing up and knowing each of them had been through what she had been through. The cancers had each been different but the turbulent feelings had been the same. Each of them hadn't known how to accept that there would be a tomorrow and didn't know how to start planning for a future they thought they wouldn't have. As they each spoke it had been like listening to her deepest thoughts and fears being said aloud. The counselor had said it was normal. They had all become accustomed to living one day at a time because they didn't know if they had a future. They just had to relearn how to live post cancer.

She hadn't known if she was capable of doing that until Meredith called to say Alex was going to move on. In that moment she had wanted a future. She had wanted to wake up next to her husband every morning, to use the embryos they had created, and grow old with Alex by her side. She hadn't been strong enough to fight for those things when he told her to leave but she was now. She was strong enough to fight for her future, his future, their future. Which was why walking away when he needed her sucked. It sucked big time. She wanted to be strong for him since he couldn't strong for himself. She wanted-

"Dr. Isobel Stevens. Don't think you can waltz back into this hospital and not come see me."

A smile spread across Izzie's lips as she stepped into the hallway where Miranda Bailey stood. Waiting. She hesitated slightly before bending to hug the shorter, rounder woman. She hadn't realized how much Bailey meant to her. "Dr. Bailey."

"You foolish girl." Bailey chided, touching Izzie's cheek as a sad smile touched her own lips. "Or maybe I should say smart girl, getting out of here before that crazy man…"

Izzie watched in horror as one of the strongest women she knew looked at her with tears in her eyes. The Nazi didn't cry. The Nazi was strong. Confident. Unafraid. The woman in front of her wasn't The Nazi. She wasn't even sure it was the same woman who had told them all what was what their first day. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Shrugging Bailey stared at her. "What's there to talk about? Patient's husband went crazy and shot people."

"He did more than shoot people." A shiver raced down Izzie's spine as she walked next to Bailey. Had _he _walked this path as well? No. She wouldn't let her mind go there. She would focus on Alex and the future they now had. "He stole your peace of mind."

"You almost sound like you know what you're talking about," Bailey chuckled dryly.

"Well, if you think about it, I kind of do." Sliding her hands into her pockets Izzie glanced down at Bailey before looking back up. "Cancer. Gary Clark. They both try to steal your future. They invade your life. They shoot at you. Make you think there is nothing left. You start to think maybe they had the right idea. Maybe you don't have a future after…"

"After," Bailey prompted, her eyes wide.

"Just that. After. They make you think you don't have a future after everything they put you through." Izzie shook her head, amazed at how easily the words formed for Bailey when she hadn't known what to say to Alex. "The thing is, Miranda, we all have lives after. They might not be the same life we had before but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. We can take the ugliness they left in our life and turn it into a reminder of why we have to be grateful for each breath we breath. Why we have to tell the people we love that we love them. Why we have to get past our fears and live. Life is short. And it is precious. It is to be treasured and used fully. Not handled with caution because something ugly tried to steal it."

"You sure you shouldn't be in there," muttered the other woman. Izzie shrugged. Maybe she should be. Who really knew? She just knew life was short and she wasn't going to waste it worrying about cancer or people like Gary Clark. Especially not now. Things were kind of looking normal. Alex and her had a real shot at a future and her body was starting to behave the way it had before the cancer and the chemo. Her skin no longer felt like paper and she had never been so glad to have a period.

"Give me something good, Stevens. Tell me something that's worthwhile. Something that doesn't have to do with cancer or Gary Clark."

Laughing, Izzie shrugged again. "I had to buy tampons. That's kind of worthwhile." Heat crept into her cheeks as she realized how weird that probably sounded to anyone listening to their conversation.

"That's more than kind of." A real smile crept across Bailey's face. "You beat the odds, you know that? You…you're some kind of miracle. First with the cancer and now this."

"Yeah. That's me. Izzie Stevens, miracle of the week!" Her tone was light hearted but deep down she knew how serious the comment had been. She had beat the odds. Not just with the cancer but with the damage the treatments could have, and should have, done to her body. When she was feeling fanciful she liked to think Denny or George had a hand in making in her whole. That they had put in a word with the Big Guy and asked him to do one more favor for Izzie Stevens.

"Joke all you want, Stevens, but you are a miracle."

Shock rippled through Izzie as Miranda Bailey, the former Nazi, engulfed her in a hug. Slowly she wrapped her arms around her mentor and closed her eyes. Silently she sent up one more request. She wanted peace of mind for them all. For every one of Gary Clark's victims. Maybe then the future would be more certain. Not just for her and Alex, but for them all. Peace wasn't asking for too much. Was it?


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Thanks again for all your amazing comments! I know this story has been slow and dark but things are about to change. This chapter does have some dark undertones but for the most part I think I kept things light. If the characters seem OOC I apologize. Again, feedback on fixing that is always appreciated! I also ask that if you feel the chapter ended to abruptly let me know. It is a problem I seem to have and am working on.

Dedication: For my dear friends Samantha, Marie, and Araceli. Your support throughout the years has gotten me through some tough times. Love you guys.

Chapter Nine

_Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future. Paul Boese_

Anxiety settled itself in Izzie's soul as she sat in the middle of a discarded gurney waiting for Meredith. It felt more than a little odd to be back in the old tunnels. Almost like old times. Drawing her legs up to her chest, she rest her chin in the small hollow between her knees. She wasn't sure if she liked the peculiar feelings that swarmed around her. For every good memory she had of Seattle Grace there were four bad ones. So many mistakes had been made. Including the one she was about to fix.

"I left Alex with Cristina." Meredith's voice echoed slightly in the empty brick enclosed space. She stood next to the vending machines, her fingers nervously twisting together, her face a mask of apprehension. "I told them to play nice."

Cristina and Alex play nice? Izzie had to chuckle at the thought. She wasn't sure either of them knew how to play nice; at least not with each other. "Think it's possible?"

"With those two?" Wrinkling her nose, Meredith thought for a moment and then shrugged. "It's possible. They seemed to bond in therapy or something. Kinda forged an alliance against Dr. Perkins I think."

That sounded right. "Therapy go okay?" Another generic question. The kind she would ask a stranger. Maybe that was what Meredith was now. Maybe the words she had spoken in hurt and anger had driven a wedge so deep it couldn't be sealed. _Maybe you need to just apologize, _her conscious chided.

"It was therapy." Lifting her thin shoulders in another shrug, Meredith walked over to the gurney, hesitated for a moment, and then sank down next to Izzie. The metal bed creaked as she scooted back and crossed her legs. "For a while there I was worried he was going to make us all hold hands and chant." Izzie laughed and shook her head. She would have paid to see Alex, Cristina, and Meredith forced to hold hands and chant their way to healing. "Sure. Laugh. You weren't there."

It had been meant as a joke but the reality of it was Izzie hadn't been there for quite a bit. The smile fell from Izzie's lips as she let out a sigh. "I owe you an apology Mere." Straightening, she shift her body around until she faced Meredith. She bent her head and stared at the small, gold studs and bronze leather strips that decorated the toe of her black ballet flat.

"For what?"

Izzie's head jerked back up. The confusion in Meredith's voice was real. Wrinkling her brow Izzie tucked her lips between her teeth and stared at her friend. "For what I said to you when I left the last time."

"Oh. That." A sigh whispered past Meredith's lips as she leaned forward on her elbows. "You were upset. Your husband just told you to leave and not come back. You were entitled to say things you didn't mean."

"Maybe."

"No. Not maybe." Meredith's shoulder nudged against her's, bumping her off balance. "We all say things we shouldn't. We all do things we shouldn't." There was no room for more to be said. Her tone of voice was clear on that. The discussion was over. "So, Alex moved out."

"I know." A small smile tipped the corners of Izzie's lips. Using her knee she nudged Meredith back. Her friend giggled. "Mere?" She waited until the other woman looked at her. "I have to ask. Just once. And whatever your answer is, I'll accept it." Inhaling deeply, she dove head first into the deep end. "Did you know Alex was going to move on with Lexie when you called me?"

Meredith shook her head. "No. Until I found them together that morning I had no idea they were even interested in each other as anything other than friends." She reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and let out a frustrated sigh. "I think for Alex it was him trying to get over you leaving. For Lexie…I dunno. I think she was trying to stick it Mark. They used each other to hurt people who hurt them." Her large green eyes fixed on Izzie. "Iz, if you're worried…"

"No. I'm not. Not anymore. I trust Alex." It amazed her how much she meant that. In the past twenty four hours they had been more honest with each other than they had ever been. "It's just…she's your sister and she slept with my husband. In your house."

"I know." The answer was a mere whisper, almost so soft Izzie didn't hear it. "Don't think that made it okay with me. It didn't. I had plenty to say. To both. They didn't listen. It was like talking to a brick wall." She reached for her hair again but let hand fall back into her lap halfway there. "Is that why you stopped talking to me? Because Lexie slept with Alex?"

"No. I didn't even know Lexie was the other woman until she said something. I stopped talking because I was scared you would say something about Alex and I hadn't reached a point where I could hear anything about him without it hurting. I was afraid you would tell me how happy he was without me and how he was moving on while I was stuck reliving every mistake I made." And she had. From the moment she walked away from Alex she had relived every mistake she had made with him. Starting with not being upfront about her expectations and ending with her sending him divorce papers.

"You know, Iz, I'm not just his friend. I'm your's too. I would think by now you would realize that."

There were days when she did, and then there were days when she thought about how Meredith and Cristina had always excluded her from their little club. Outside looking in. Those were her feelings though. Just because that was how she felt didn't mean that was how things were. When she had needed her Cristina had been her rock. And she had lost count of how many times Meredith had put up with her crap. "I've missed you," she said at last.

"I've missed you too." Another nudge from Meredith's knee sent Izzie sprawling backwards. As she lay there, staring up at the spotty ceiling, a smile crept across her lips. Maybe she had made a lot of mistakes at Seattle Grace, and maybe there were more bad memories than good, but man those good memories were oh so good.

Oooooooooo

Heart pounding, Lexie walked toward the cafeteria table where Alex sat with Cristina, both silently picking through wilted looking salads. What she was about to do was way beyond her comfort zone. She had to do it though. If she didn't…well…Lexie shook the thought off. There were already too many regrets in her life. She wasn't going to chalk another one up.

"So," she said as she drew near, "how about that therapy?" Without waiting for an invitation she drew out a chair and plopped down. Two sets of eyes swung in her direction. Both looked a little leery and borderline hostile. Great. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all.

"It was therapy." Alex grunted, dropping his gaze to the mess of lettuce, bacon, tomatoes, and cheese in front of him. He forked some of the concoction into his mouth.

"Perkins is a quack." Leaning back in her seat, Cristina crossed her arms over her chest, continuing to stare at Lexie. "His whole forgive yourself bull just about gave me hives."

Shifting around uncomfortably, Lexie licked her lips. The part Cristina hated had been the part she loved the most. Survivors guilt is what Perkins had called it. It was where a person felt guilty for living when others died. It struck a chord with Lexie. She had been walking around feeling like a giant ball of guilt. She'd let her fears and her guilt get to her; so much so she had started acting like a person even she wouldn't want to be around.

"I feel guilty," Lexie said softly. "I feel like if I had ignored the patient's wishes and listened to Mr. Clark then maybe none of this would have happened."

Cristina's eyes narrowed slightly. "Clark was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off."

"Or maybe he wanted people to blame for his wife being taken from him," Alex interjected. He laid his fork down and pushed the salad away.

"The man was a psychotic asshole who invaded our hospital and shot the place up. I don't care if his wife died. Wives die every day. You don't see those husbands blowing people's brains out."

The conversation was going in a direction Lexie didn't want. She had sat down to ask Alex to forgive her and to tell him she forgave him. Her lips parted, ready to do just that, but Alex telling Cristina that Clark wasn't like other grieving husbands, the man had had a few screws loose. Well. Yeah. They had all figured that out after the first shot was fired. "Guys, I don't think it really matters anymore. It happened. It sucked and it is something we will always have to live with but it's over. And I don't know about you guys, but I want to get on with my life. I am sick of dreaming about him. I am sick of reliving it over and over again. And, I'm sick of feeling guilty. So…Alex I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend to you. I let myself get messed up in the head over Mark becoming a grandpa and I let us do something stupid. So, I'm sorry. And," she sucked in some more air, "I forgive you for using me."

Sucking in another breath, Lexie stood up and turned to leave. As she walked off she could hear Cristina making a crack about Perkins warping minds. She shrugged it off. Cristina was still avoiding. Lexie was looking toward the future. A future where she didn't have to deal with guilt laden regrets.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: First, I want to thank everyone for the lovely comments. They mean so much. Probably more than what you realize. Secondly, I apologize for how long it has taken me to get this posted. I wanted it to be perfect. I am not sure that it is but I hope you still enjoy it.

Answers to some questions: Derek is still around but since the story isn't about him and Meredith I haven't had an opportunity to write a scene with him in it. Nor have I had the opportunity to write a scene with Cristina giving someone a piece of her mind. It isn't because I don't want to, I just don't see writing a scene for the sake of writing it. I hope that doesn't offend anyone.

Chapter Ten

"_Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Robert Heinlein _

The gentle whisper of a breeze caressed Izzie's bare shoulders as she stood on the small balcony that was just off her living room. A shiver rippled through her body, a reminder that it was too cold to be outside in nothing but a tank top and lightweight yoga pants. She barely noticed. Her mind was too busy to think about temperatures dropping. It had been almost eight hours since she had left Alex at Seattle Grace. She hadn't wanted to, had even toyed with the idea of just wandering around until after his meeting with Derek, but in the end logic had won out and she had come home. Alone. Which made eight hours seem like eighty. Eight hours of trying to keep busy so she wouldn't think about how scared Alex had looked. Eight hours of sorting through her conversation with Meredith. Eight hours of debating with herself on whether or not she was ready to take the final step in her reconciliation with Alex. Every time she thought she had her mind made up she would think of a logical reason to swing the other way. Eight hours…and she still had no clue on whether or not she was ready to get physical with her husband.

A soft knocking at the front door jars her from her thoughts. Her lips fall into a small frown only to tilt up into a smile when she realized it was probably Alex. She hurried toward the door, her fingers trembling slightly as she yanked it open. "Hey," she breathed, her mouth stretching into a full blown grin as she threw her arms around her husband. She buried her nose in his neck, breathing in the scent that was distinctly him. Her eyes closed as she stood there, holding him tight. Any doubt she had about fully letting Alex back into her life disappeared. If they were going to stand a chance they had to fully commit; not just emotionally but physically as well.

"I missed you," Izzie murmured, stepping back. Her heart pounded as she brushed her lips across his, hoping he would understand the unspoken invitation. Her body warmed as his tongue slipped past her lips, teasing the recesses of her mouth. It felt as though it were no longer blood rushing through her veins but molten lava. She had almost forgotten how provocative Alex's kiss could be. The gentle thrusting of his tongue in and out of her mouth. The soft caress of his lips upon her lips. The promise of what his body could do to her body.

"Missed you too," chuckled Alex as he broke the kiss long enough to close the front door and lock it. A smirk puckered her lips as she thought about the show her nosy neighbor Mrs. Jones had just witnessed. It would have served the snoopy old woman right if they had carried things a little further.

He reached out, his fingers tucking a lock of hair behind her ear before trailing down her cheek. Izzie felt her eyes drift close as his mouth once again captured her's. She pressed her body closer, an excited fire simmering in her lower stomach. She curled her fingers into the soft fabric of his sweater and let out a low whimper as his mouth moved from her lips to her neck. It had been a long time since she had felt like this. Through the passion induced haze she tried to remember the last time she had felt this turned on. It had to of been before the cancer; before everything became so mixed up and confused. She hadn't realized how much she had missed it.

"Don't stop," she protested when he took a step back. It seemed that was all they had done since his arrival the day before. Start and stop. She was tired of stopping. They had made the decision to get back together, to build a future, and that meant healing their marriage in every way. At least that was what she had thought. _Maybe he's no longer interested in you that way_, a silent voice whispered. The voice sounded a lot like Lexie Grey. Her stomach clenched. What if that was why he kept stopping? What if he was no longer attracted to her? What if that was the real reason he had cheated?

"Iz?"

Blinking, she forced herself to meet his gaze. Concern shone there, mixed with confusion. He cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand, waiting. She sucked in her breath and fought for control. If she let her thoughts spill out the mood would be ruined even more. "Iz, come on. Talk to me. What's going through that head of your's?"

She blinked again. Was she that easy to read or did he know her that well? A little of both, she decided. "You stopped," she whispered. The tiny voice that came out of her mouth sounded foreign even to her.

"I stopped because it's kinda hard to take your clothes off when we're kissing," Alex answered, bewilderment wrinkling his face. He reached up and scrubbed a hand over his short cropped dark hair. "Why do you think I stopped?"

Heat flooded her cheeks. There was no way she was answering that honestly. Things were cooling off fast and if she wanted to salvage the mood before it completely fizzled out she needed to get a grip on her insecurities. "You slept with someone else," she blurted out before she could stop herself. So much for salvaging the mood, she thought miserably. "And…I…my body isn't like it use to be okay? There are scars and…"

Alex cut her off by pressing his mouth against her's. "Stop it," he whispered hotly in her ear. "You're beautiful, Iz. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Before cancer. After cancer. It doesn't matter. To me, you will always be the most beautiful woman in the world." The tears that had burned her eyes moments before slipped down her cheeks. Her lips parted but he silenced her again by placing the tip of his index finger against her lower lip. "As for what happened with Lexie, I wish I could take it back. I wish it had never happened. But it did, Iz. You said you forgave me, that we were going to get through everything that happened. That means letting it go." His forehead touched her's, their breath mingling as they stood there. His fingers sought out her's, entwining their fingers. "It was never her," he murmured. "She was just someone I could pretend was you."

His fingers traveled up her sides and into her hair. Using his new found hold on her, he tilted her head to the left and caught her mouth in another hot, wet kiss that threw gasoline on the fire simmering between them. He was right. She had to let it go. They were moving forward, not looking back. Looking in the rear view mirror was no way to live and damn it Izzie wanted to live; she needed to live. Which meant she had to let it all go once and for all. No more dancing around. No more taking two steps forward, followed by one back.

Reaching between their bodies, Alex found the hem of her tank top and drew it upward, revealing the smooth expanse of her stomach. Her heart tripped when she felt his fingers linger on the tiny scar to the left of her belly button. It was one of twelve scars scattered across her body. Permanent reminders of the ugliness that festered inside her and almost killed her. "I love you," Alex said before yanking her top over her head. He grinned as he tossed it over his shoulder. A giggle teased passed her lips as she shimmied out of her yoga pants. Kicking them aside, she teased him about being over dressed. "Oh yeah? We'll see about that!" The giggled turned into a full blown laugh as he raced to get rid of the sweater, jeans, and boots he had worn. The laughter died as he shucked his boxers as well, leaving him with nothing but a smug smirk on his mouth. "Now whose over dressed."

"You think you're real funny don't you," Izzie chided as she twisted her arms around to unhook her bra. Quirking one brow up she flicked the bit of silver lace in his direction before wiggling out of the matching panties.

"No," he replied, pulling her body flush with his. "I think I'm about to get lucky."

"I think you're right," taunted Izzie. She took a tentative step backward, bringing her closer to the bed. Like a moth drawn to the flame he followed, gathering her close. She twined her arms around his neck, relishing the feel of his skin against her skin. They had always fit together perfectly. Like two pieces of the same puzzle. No awkward grinding of hips or trying to reposition body parts.

Izzie felt her eyes flutter shut as he laid her back on the bed. Her lips parted in a silent oh as Alex parted her legs and settled over her. Part of her wanted to beg for foreplay but most of her just wanted to feel him inside her. A soft moan caught in her throat as the tip of his penis nudged between her slick folds. "Oh God," she whispered as he fully sheathed himself in her body. Her fingers danced over his spine, trailing lower until they came to rest on his buttocks. She dug her nails in, urging him to go harder, faster. It felt like heaven. He was heaven; her heaven.

OOOOOO

It took every ounce of Alex's will power not to come the moment he entered her. She had been made for him. From the first time they made love until now he had always felt that way. He had been foolish thinking he could let her go, that he could feel this way with someone other than her. She was a part of him. She was…his. It had been insanity to think otherwise. His lapse in judgment had passed though and he was back where he belonged.

"I love you," he breathed against her neck, slowing his thrusts. He wanted to enjoy every moment as though it were the last. Life was too short to make the mistakes he had been making. Between the session with Perkins, Lexie saying she forgave him, and Derek recommending that he undergo more therapy before being allowed back in the O.R. he had come to realize he was treating life like it was expendable. It was a shame it had taken being shot for to realize that. Well no more. He was exhausted trying to sort through the muck of his life. He wanted something more than one night stands and alcohol binges meant to drive thoughts of Izzie from his head. Why wake up with a stranger and a hang over when he could wake with the woman he loved?

"I love you too," Izzie moaned, her legs wrapping around his waist. He slid his hands beneath her, tilting her hips enough to give him better access. Each thrust in and out of her body brought him closer to fulfillment. He buried his face in her neck, repeating the words she had just spoken as he lost himself in her body.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: I am speechless. Over thirty reviews on chapter ten! You guys are amazing! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you enjoyed the last. It is definitely a light, fun chapter. I am exploring Jackson a bit in this chapter. Please let me know what works or doesn't work in terms of his character.

Chapter Eleven

"_The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." Helen Keller_

A gust of wind rattled the attic window as Lexie sat on the edge of her bed, debating on whether or not she wanted to venture downstairs and watch Cristina Yang become Cristina Hunt. She toyed with the scalloped lace hem of her navy blue cap sleeved dress, her brow wrinkled as she tried to come up with a good reason why she couldn't attend the wedding. A headache seemed weak, as did fatigue. Biting her lower lip she wondered if Meredith would excuse her if she was just honest and said she didn't think she could be in the same room as Alex and Izzie. Somehow she couldn't see Meredith thinking that was a valid excuse; especially since Lexie's hesitancy stemmed from embarrassment rather than left over feelings.

"Are you going to hide up here all night or are you going to grow a pair and come watch Hunt tame Yang?"

Blinking, Lexie shifted her gaze toward the door. She found Jackson Avery leaning his upper body into the room, a smirk on his smug mouth. "I'm not hiding." The matter of fact way she said it almost convinced her.

Jackson hoisted himself off the stairwell and fully entered the room, filling the small space with his large frame. "Grey, you have to work on your lying skills."

She shifted around, twining her fingers together as he drew closer. His nerve amazed her. He'd invaded her personal sanctuary and then insulted her lying skills. "You need to work on…" Her tongue tangled and her words jumbled as he squatted in front of her, his gray eyes searching her face. "Stop it."

"Stop what? Being your friend?" Jackson asked, his brow wrinkling as he studied her. "Grey, you've got to get your act together. You're running around like some confused chicken."

The chicken reference brought a gasp to her lips. "You are a jerk, you know that? A real jerk!" She bolted to her feet, placed the palms of her hands on his shoulders, and shoved. A satisfied smile teased her lips as he fell backward, landing on his butt. "You don't get to just come up here and start telling me what I am or am not doing! And you don't get to call me a confused chicken!"

"Then go downstairs," taunted Jackson as he scrambled into a standing position. He crossed his arms over his chest, one brow arched upward. It was like he was taunting her into action. She narrowed her eyes. Did she want to give him the satisfaction of being right and stay where she was? Or did she want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he had a hand in getting her downstairs?

"I had planned on going downstairs," she calmly replied, tossing back a chunk of long, dark hair. "The only reason I am still up here is because I'm not sure I like the dress I'm wearing, okay? I think it makes my ass look huge." The oldest excuse in the book. A tiny smile tipped the corners of her lips as she turned slightly, giving him a view of her backside. "What do you think? Do you think it makes my butt look big?"

"I'm not falling for that," Jackson laughed, shaking his head. "I'm going back down. You coming or are you going to hide all night?"

Scowling, Lexie pushed past him and stomped down the steps. If Jackson thought she was hiding that meant everyone else did as well. The last thing she wanted Alex, Izzie, Meredith, or Mark thinking was that she was hiding. While there was some truth to it, she didn't want others knowing she was too humiliated to be in the same room as the people she had hurt, betrayed, or pissed off. One at a time was fine but all of them at once? And at a wedding? She cringed as she reached the bottom of the stairs. It was going to be brutal. She could feel it. Sure she had apologized to Alex but she had yet to work up the courage to do the same with Izzie and Mark; the two people she had hurt the most. She was avoiding. That was what Dr. Perkins said. She was avoiding because she didn't want to open herself up to rejection. It had taken all her energy not to laugh at that assessment. If there was one thing Lexie was an expert at it was being rejected. It sort of sucked that after almost six weeks of therapy that was what the shrink had to offer her. And, if that wasn't bad enough, the bastard still hadn't cleared her for surgery!

"Lexie."

Her body stilled as she digested the fact that Izzie had walked out of Alex's old room and spoken to her. "Izzie," she said cautiously. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips. Alex's wife looked amazing. The cotton candy colored strapless dress hugged her tall, curvy body like a second skin. Suddenly very aware of the extra ten pounds she had put on, Lexie slid her hands down her sides, praying none of the new weight had found its way to her hips. "I…I like your dress. Its very pretty." Crap. She was such a loser. Why couldn't she think of something interesting to say, or better yet, why couldn't she work up the nerve to apologize?

"Thank you." Izzie offered her a tight smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Upon closer inspection, Lexie discovered there were dark circles under Izzie's eyes. Either someone wasn't sleeping right or…a lump filled Lexie's throat…someone wasn't feel well. "Can we talk for a minute?"

Everything in her screamed No! Yet Lexie found herself nodding. The way she figured it she owed Izzie. "Um. Sure." She glanced around, looking for somewhere, anywhere, that wasn't Alex's old room. It would be too awkward going in there. They had both been naked with Alex in there.

"Here is fine," Izzie stated, as though she could read Lexie's mind. "What I have to ask isn't a big deal." The flicker that crossed her face said it was though.

Lexie opened her mouth to ask what was going on but clamped her lips shut when Jackson appeared. She motioned for him to go down the stairs and shot him a wide eyed plea when he hesitated. He looked between Izzie and her and then started down the stairs. She let out a sigh of relief. She didn't want or need him messing up whatever was happening with Izzie. "Okay. So. What do you need to ask me?"

The flicker crossed Izzie's face again. "I…I need you to run some tests for me okay? Blood tests. I…I haven't been feeling well and I don't want anyone at work knowing anything until there is something to know."

The air gushed out of Lexie's lungs, leaving her with the sense of being sucker punched. Izzie couldn't be sick again. It would be too cruel. Too unfair. "What are you're symptoms?" She wanted to ask why Izzie had come to her with this but she knew. She owed Izzie and that meant she would keep her mouth shut.

"Nausea. Fatigue. All I do is sleep. And if I'm not sleeping I want to throw up." Izzie twisted her fingers together, her gaze locked on Lexie's face. "I just need to know what I'm dealing with."

She needed to know if the cancer had come back. Crap. Lexie wanted to tell her to take her cancer suspicions elsewhere but…she owed her. "When do you want to…" She couldn't even finish the sentence. She couldn't bring herself to ask when Izzie wanted to run the tests to see if the cancer had returned.

"The sooner the better."

Nodding, Lexie chewed her lower lip. She was never sleeping with another married man ever again. There was too much baggage that came with it. Guilty feelings. The constant need to apologize. And, she grimaced, dealing with the scorned wife asking her to run secret tests. "We could do it now," she suggested, hoping Izzie would agree. She really didn't want to go to a wedding.

"No." Izzie shook her head. "Tomorrow would be good."

"Okay," Lexie nodded her head. "Tomorrow works for me." It didn't. Not really. It was suppose to be her day off. People would think it was weird she was at the hospital and with Alex's wife no less. To hell with them, she thought as she crept down the stairs. She owed Izzie and she got the feeling she needed to pay the debt before she could start to feel better.

OOOOOO

The nausea had started two weeks after Alex moved in. Izzie had shrugged it off, figuring it was a bout of flu she had picked up at the hospital. Then the constant fatigue set in. It was all she could do to make it through a shift without wanting to nap. All she did was sleep. And if she wasn't sleeping she was wanting to sleep. After six weeks of feeling that way she was starting to get scared. It reminded her of the days before her cancer was discovered. Thankfully she hadn't experienced any true to life visions of dead boyfriends who wanted to get intimate. She didn't think she could mentally survive another round of that. If she was brutally honest she didn't think she could take going through all those treatments or surgeries again. Nor did she think she could stand watching Alex try to be strong when it was obvious he wanted to crumble.

"Around ten?"

Izzie blinked. She had almost forgotten that Lexie was standing there. It had just about killed her to ask her husband's former lover to help her out but she didn't know of anyone else to turn to that would feel obligated to keep the tests a secret. She didn't like keeping how she was feeling a secret any more than she liked going to Lexie. Her choices were limited though. Meredith would hound her into telling Alex and Cristina would just tell him herself. If there was something to worry about Izzie wanted time to think about how she would break the news to him. "Ten sounds good. Rounds should be over or close to over."

"Yeah. So ten o'clock." Lexie nodded her head, dark curls bouncing around her shoulders. "Should we just meet at the lab?"

Annoyance ran through Izzie's veins. She wanted to snap. To grab Lexie by the shoulders and tell her to stop asking so many questions. Each question asked was another word she had to speak to a woman she couldn't stand. Yet the questions were logical. They needed to verify the time and place. "That sounds logical."

"Well. Alright then. Ten o'clock tomorrow at the lab." Tucking her lower lip between her teeth, Lexie stared at Izzie. It was a bit discomforting. "I get why you're asking me to do this. You don't want Alex knowing. The thing is, stuff like this, is why things didn't go so well with you guys the first time. I know you probably don't want to hear that, and especially not from me, but before Alex and I ever slept together we were friends. We talked. And, as his former friend, I am telling you the secrets and holding back were what did you guys in. It's what did Mark and I in. I want to see you guys work. You guys are just…you're two people who belong together and I don't want to see that messed up again because you're scared Alex can't handle hearing that you might be sick again. It is just a might, Izzie. There are a lot of things that can make you tired and nauseated."

Once the rambling started there was no stopping it. Izzie had learned that from Meredith. She let out a sigh, crossed her arms, and listened as Lexie ticked off the numerous things that could cause her to be exhausted all the time and unable to eat, especially in the morning. Everything in Izzie went still and a roaring noise filled her ears. She tried to shake the thought off because it was impossible. The chemo had ruined any chance of _that._ Hadn't it? "Lexie, does Meredith still keep those pregnancy tests in her bathroom?" She use to laugh at her former roommate for keeping several pregnancy tests under her bathroom counter. In case of emergency is what Meredith use to say. Any time a period was late a quick pee on the stick could relieve a person's nerves. Especially if the test was negative.

"Yeah. I think so." Lexie let out a quiet yelp when Izzie grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down the hall toward Meredith's bathroom. Again, Lexie wasn't her first choice but she needed to know and she didn't have the strength to do it by herself.

Ten minutes later, she knew. Two little lines. Positive. Her head started to spin. "It's wrong," she whispered. It had to be wrong. Women who underwent the treatments she underwent did not get pregnant. Of course most of them didn't survive and if they did survive they didn't get their periods back. She had done both. Was it possible that she had beaten the odds again?


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: Awesome is what you guys are! All those reviews flooding my inbox was awesome! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You guys had some questions and I answered them as best I could in a review for the chapter. I hope you continue to enjoy this story! I also hope you can forgive some OOC in this chapter! I am not too pleased with it. It is sort of filler. An anxiety chapter. Bleh. Next chapter is pure happiness though, I promise!

Chapter Twelve

"_I think miracles exist in part as gifts and in part as clues that there is something beyond the flat world we see." Peggy Noonan_

Alex had heard that post traumatic stress disorder could cause people to behave in ways they wouldn't usually behave. He hadn't really believed any of that until after the shooting. After the shooting Cristina seemed rather…different. The odd part was he couldn't really put a finger on what was so different about her. She was just not the Cristina he knew and loved to torture. In the six weeks they had been attending group therapy he had watched her slowly become someone else. The someone she had become seemed more interested in planning an impromptu wedding to Owen Hunt than chasing the best surgery. He hadn't even realized Cristina and Owen were getting serious enough to tie the knot!

"Your wife and your ex-mistress are whispering about something upstairs," Jackson Avery murmured. Knitting his brows together, Alex turned to look at the younger man. He couldn't have heard him right. There was no way in hell Izzie and Lexie would talk. Izzie hated Lexie, and Lexie was scared of Izzie. At least that was the vibe he always got. "You heard me correctly, Karev. Your wife and your ex-mistress are upstairs, right now, whispering about something to do with tests."

Tests? What sort of tests did Lexie and Izzie have to talk about? Brow still knitted together, Alex elbowed his way through the small crowd that was gathered in Meredith's living room. He half ran, half flew up the stairs, his heart pounding. The fear that had been rampaging through him turned to anger when he found the upstairs hallways empty. He turned on the ball of his foot, intent on storming back downstairs to tell Jackson Avery what he thought of his little joke. When his foot hit the first stair he heard the murmur of voices. They sounded like they were coming from Meredith's room. The fear crept back in as he found himself slowly walking toward his former roommates domain. He hoped the voices where Izzie and Lexie because he really didn't want to walk in on Shepherd and Meredith having a little pre-wedding fun, or Cristina getting ready for the wedding or, worse, Cristina freaking out about the wedding.

He found them in Meredith's bathroom. Izzie sitting on the side of the tub, Lexie leaning against the wall. He barely noticed either one of them when his eyes fell on the pregnancy test sitting on the sink. Well hell. That would have to be the test Jackson heard them talking about. And since chemo had blown Izzie's chances of getting pregnant out of the water…

The blood drained from his face. Lexie couldn't be pregnant. Not when things were getting so good with Iz. His marriage was starting to feel like a real marriage. Yeah they both worked a lot and at different hospitals but the time they did have together was spent exploring the future and enjoying the present. They had even tentatively talked about house hunting. He see it all crashing and burning, and all because of that stupid test sitting on the counter. "You should have talked to me, not her," he said lowly, his scared gaze swinging from the test to Lexie.

"Why would I talk to you?" Lexie shook her head, confusion written across her face. She pushed away from the wall, her arms crossed defensively over her chest. He shifted his gaze back to the test. Her gaze followed. "Seriously? You think I'm…seriously? Give me some credit, Alex! I might be naïve and I might not be as experienced as other women but I'm not stupid. I know how to prevent having to take a test like that." She shook her head again, her cheeks spotting with a bright red blush. "Furthermore, I've had to buy tampons twice since we broke up. Trust me, there is no bun in my oven."

Tossing a hunk of hair back, Lexie stalked out of the bathroom. She paused in the doorway and looked back at Izzie. "Let me know about tomorrow okay?" Izzie nodded, her face downcast toward the floor.

"It's wrong," Izzie whispered, her fingers nervously twisting together. "It's a false positive or something." She looked up, tears dripping down her cheeks.

Her words slowly sunk in. The test had never belonged to Lexie, it belonged to Izzie. His heart twisted. He knew she was right. It had to be a false positive. With all the chemo and the other drugs they had pumped her full of the chances of her getting pregnant the old fashioned way was slim to none. _But not impossible,_ a silent voice reminded him. "It doesn't matter, Iz," he whispered, gathering her close. His heart ached even more when he felt her body shaking as she silently sobbed.

"I might be sick again," she choked out. "That's why I was talking to Lexie. I thought I could guilt trip her into secretly running tests. Which was a stupid idea because nothing ever stays a secret at that stupid hospital. I just didn't want to scare you or make my boss nervous if I didn't have to."

Tipping her chin up, Alex's hazel eyes met her dark brown ones. "Iz, do you remember what I said when we got back together?"

"You said you weren't going anywhere," she sniffled. "I remember. I know. I just…you didn't come back to sign up for another round of cancer."

"I signed up for another chance at life with you. I knew there was chance the cancer could come back. If it has that doesn't change my mind about wanting to be with you. Nothing is ever going to keep us apart, Iz. Nothing." He held her close again, his body trembling. Tentatively she wrapped her arms around his waist. Burying his face in her hair, he inhaled deeply. Honeysuckle. She always smelled like honeysuckle. It was her shampoo. He had figured that out after he moved into Meredith's. He'd started using the same stuff just so he could smell her. He choked back a sob of his own. If something happened, if she was sick again, he didn't think he could survive if she didn't make it.

No. Alex wasn't going to think that way. He had let himself think that way the last time and it had ruined their relationship. Instead of being someone Izzie could rely on he had turned into a hovering idiot who treated her like a child. "Izzie, look at me." She pulled back, her face stained with tears and sorrow. "We're going to go downstairs and watch Cristina get married and then we're going to go home and get some rest. We're not going to worry about anything until tomorrow. Okay?"

She looked like she wanted to contradict him. In the end she nodded, a small smile on her lips. It didn't quite reach her eyes but he understood. The smile he pasted on his lips didn't quite reach his either.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note: The last chapter was a little sad. There was all this turmoil about the pregnancy test. I know it was difficult for some of you but it was a fear that had to be addressed. Otherwise it would linger and I don't want it to linger anymore than the rest of you do! I noticed one of you agreed that the chapter was OOC but unless you tell me why it is OOC I cannot fix the problem! I need to know how or why it was OOC so I don't make the same mistake. Thanks again for all your support! I cannot believe I have 311 reviews! You guys have brought tears to my eyes!

Disclaimer: I don't know much about medical. I did a little research but have taken some creative liberty! I figured you guys would be okay with that since the result is an Alex and Izzie baby!

Chapter Thirteen

"_Miracles are natural. It is when they don't occur something has gone wrong." _

Clouds hung low in the sky, matching the dark mood that swarmed around Izzie. It didn't surprise her that everything looked gray and downcast. Why wouldn't it be? The happy bubble she and Alex had created was about to be popped. Tears burned her eyes as she climbed out of her car and walked toward the main entrance of Seattle Grace. Her steps seemed to falter the closer she got to the door. A million questions ran through her mind. Did she want to know if the cancer was back? If it was back did she want to go through all those treatments again? What if it was another kind of cancer? Was it fair to put Alex through it all again?

"Stop it," she whispered as she followed a group of unknown interns and nurses inside. She bypassed the elevators and headed straight for the stairs. It would be quicker. Which made taking them ridiculous. She should be putting it off. Yet with each step she took the more she wanted to know; the more she needed to know. She could deal with something if she knew what she was dealing with. The sooner she knew whether or not the cancer had returned the sooner Alex and she could come up with a game plan.

"You're early," Lexie greeted as Izzie approached the waiting area of the hospital's lab. The other woman looked as though she hadn't slept well. Her normally neat brown hair was gathered in a messy braid and there were dark circles under her eyes. "Which is good because we've been swamped. I got paged around two…and you probably don't want to hear about me getting called in to deal with some idiot who likes to play with snakes."

Normally, the tale of an idiot playing snakes would have interest Izzie but at the moment she had more important things on her mind. "So…blood work first?"

"Blood work first," agreed the other woman. She motioned for Izzie to follow her into one of the little cubicles they used for routine blood drawing. It felt a little too familiar, giving her a little chill. She glanced around, praying Alex would be able to break free and be there with her. "Do you have an arm preference?"

Izzie shook her head. What did it matter? It was going to sting no matter which vein Lexie stuck. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, trying to block out the cold swab of alcohol that was being rubbed across her left arm. She caught her lower lip between her teeth when she felt the rubber band being wrapped around her upper arm. A second later came the sting of the needle. She had to hand it to Lexie, the girl knew how to draw blood without causing pain.

"So, I was thinking when we're done drawing blood we should do an ultrasound. I've done a little research on the type of chemo you had and while it usually sterilizes most patients there have been cases where pregnancy occurred naturally." The needle slipped out of her arm and was replaced with a small, round band-aid. "There. All done. So? What do you think?"

"About what," Izzie asked in a husky sounding voice.

"About doing an ultrasound. It would definitely rule out or confirm a pregnancy."

It was on the tip of Izzie's tongue to yell at Lexie to stop talking about pregnancy. There wasn't any point. The L2 had destroyed any chance of that happening. She inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly and opened her mouth to tell Lexie she didn't think it was a good idea, then changed her mind. An ultrasound would erase any doubt. It would be hardcore proof that she wasn't pregnant. "Sure. Why not."

"Izzie," Lexie started, and then stopped. She looked down at the viles of blood she had drawn and started marking them for specific tests. "Izzie," she started again, "I know you're scared but I think you're worrying for nothing. Well, maybe not for nothing, but I think you're letting it get to you more than you should. And I know that I don't understand because I haven't been through what you've been through but I want you to know I'm going to make sure we know what's going on before you leave today."

It really sucked that Lexie had slept with Alex because under different circumstances Izzie realized they probably could have been friends. She wasn't a big enough woman to over look the affair either. Although, it was nice to know that she could be around Lexie without wanting to rip her hair out, bash her face in, or call her a home wrecking whore. "I wish Alex would hurry," she murmured, forcing herself to shake off any decent thoughts she might have continued to have about Lexie.

"Do you want me to page him?" Lexie gathered the blood and paperwork in a small plastic bucket, and then looked over her shoulder at Izzie. "I could have them ask him to meet us in the ultrasound room."

Izzie chewed her lip for a moment, glanced down at her watch, and then nodded. Her shift at Tacoma started in four hours. She wanted an answer of some sort by then, even if it was they needed to do more testing. Even more, though, she wanted Alex by her side as the tests were run. The last time she had endured most of them alone. It had been her choice but she now knew that she wanted the support her husband offered. She needed her husband.

The same thought continued as followed Lexie into an exam room in Radiology. She needed Alex. Heart pounding, she sat on the edge of the cushioned table. Her shoes fell off, hitting the tiled floor with a muffled thump. She barely noticed how cold her toes were, or that the paper beneath her was wadding up. All she could think about was her biggest dream was about to be crushed once and for all and she needed Alex. A tear slipped down her cheek as she pulled her dark green sweater up and revealed her flat stomach. Another tear followed the first as the warm gel was smeared across her abdomen. She needed Alex.

OOOO

Radiology. Room 315. Alex knew that room a little too well. It was the same room him and Izzie had gotten physical in right before she tried telling him about seeing Denny. Old guilty feelings crept back in as he paused outside the door. If he had taken her seriously…Alex shook the thoughts off. There was no point in thinking about what might or might not have occurred if he had paid better attention. All that mattered was finding out if Izzie was sick again.

A lump formed in his throat as he gently knocked on the door and then pushed it open. His wife lay on the exam table, tears rolling down her cheeks, as his ex-mistress stood next to her, holding a Doppler over her stomach. He was only vaguely aware of the oddity of that scene. His focus was on the monitor; on the image of a perfectly formed six week embryo that shouldn't be there but was. His pulse raced almost in time with the fast paced swoosh, swoosh of the fetal heart rate. He closed his eyes, savoring the precious sound, and praying that it wasn't some cruel mirage. His gaze flew back to the monitor. It was still there. His and Izzie's little miracle.

"Everything looks perfect," Lexie whispered as she froze the screen long enough to print some images off. She turned to look at Alex as he moved to stand next to Izzie, his fingers intertwining with his wife's. "I'm still going to run the labs, but I think the only thing you have wrong with you is a case of morning sickness and the tiredness that comes with pregnancy." She held out a small, stack of pictures. "Here. I'm going to go. Congratulations." A sad smile flittered across her lips before she stepped out of the room, leaving them alone.

"It doesn't feel real," Izzie whispered, looking up at him, her dark eyes wide. Tears still shimmered there, but he had a feeling they were from joy instead of fear. "I hope this isn't a dream. I don't think I could take it if I woke up and this was just a dream." Smirking, Alex used his free hand to gently pinch the skin on the back of her hand. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Showing you this isn't a dream. That its real." Alex couldn't resist laughing or bending to scoop Izzie into his arms. He hadn't realized how much he wanted to be a father until that moment. The idea had always been okay but now, now that he knew it was finally, happening, he felt like he was on cloud nine. They had done it. Izzie and he had beaten the odds, the statistics, and whatever other bull shit that said they shouldn't be together or be able to have a baby. Well to hell with the statistics and odds. Alex and Izzie Karev were going to have a baby and they had done it without any help from a fertility specialist.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note: I am speechless. You guys have no idea how in awe I am over the fact that you guys continue to not only read but review the way you do! Thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you! I know some of you are against Lexie being anywhere near Alex and Izzie but you will have to trust me when I say I picked her for some very good reasons. One reason being that Izzie needed to know Alex and Lexie had nothing left. The second being Lexie needed to feel as though she had undone some of the damage she had helped wreak on Alex and Izzie's marriage. They will never be friends. That isn't possible but this has taught them that they can all be around each other and be civil. Alex still works with Lexie. Izzie is still friends with Meredith. At some point paths will cross. I hope this helps you understand a little better! XOXO

P.S. This chapter is filler and probably really stupid. My computer is acting up though and I wanted to give you something before I have to put it in the shop. And question: How do you guys feel about time jumps?

Chapter Fourteen

"_Man's loneliness is but his fear of life." _

Head ducked down, hands shoved into the pockets of her scrub pants, Lexie leaned against the cool, tiled wall of the locker room. She wasn't jealous. She was certain of that. What she was feeling was worse. Loneliness was a bitch. A cold, spiteful bitch. One that seemed rather attached to the idea of reminding Lexie how alone she was. She let out sigh and removed her hands from her pockets, only to shove them into her tangled hair. It wasn't just seeing Alex and Izzie wrapped up in a perfect moment that had her dwelling on her sense of loneliness. It was Owen and Cristina getting married. It was watching Derek and Meredith talk about the house they were going to build by their lake. It was overhearing Callie and Arizona plan their future. It was working with Mark every single day, watching him move on with numerous women, and knowing it was her fault they weren't together anymore.

"You look like shit."

Blinking, Lexie looked up to find Cristina standing there. It didn't surprise her that her former resident thought it was okay to comment on how crappy she looked. It still stung though. She was lonely and she looked like shit. Two things a woman did not want to think about or hear in the same sentence. "Nice to see you too," she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Whatever."

Lexie scowled and tightened her arms, mimicking the squeezing hugs her mother use to give her. "Didn't you just get married? Shouldn't you be on your honeymoon or something."

"Honeymoon's are over rated." Yanking a blood splattered scrub top over her head, Cristina stalked over to the laundry cart. "Besides, I would rather be in an O.R. cutting on someone than on some crowded beach working on an sunburn."

Some small part of Lexie agreed but the majority of her wanted to be warming herself on a beach, a fruity drink in hand, and a super hot lifeguard rubbing sunscreen all over her body. The chances of that happening were slim to none but a girl could dream. "To each their own," she murmured, pushing herself away from the wall. She wandered around to the other side of the lockers, hoping Cristina would do whatever it was she had come to do and leave.

"So, they're going to be announcing the new Attendings soon." Cristina's voice carried over the locker, bringing a grimace to Lexie's face. "Meredith's a shoo in. I'm thinking I'm a pretty sure bet too. That leaves one more." Her voice grew louder as she walked around the side of the lockers and stood before Lexie. "It will come down to Karev and that cracker jack heal with a hug Herron. So, who do you think will get it?"

"Alex," Lexie answered, without really thinking. There was nothing to come down to. The position was Alex's. Lexie had overheard Derek discussing the candidates with Meredith and why the board had made their choices. Meredith had it because she was surgical royalty and had skills that rivaled her mother's. Alex had earned his by proving himself more than capable when it came to diagnosing and treating unusual cases; especially in pediatrics. Cristina had been given the final slot after the board decided cut throat healing was more profitable than healing with love. Lexie wasn't going to share any of that information though. For one thing, she shouldn't have eavesdropped and secondly she valued her life. If Cristina knew the board had wavered between her and Sydney Herron things would get ugly.

"You sound pretty sure about that."

The scrutiny in Cristina's eyes almost made Lexie squirm. She wasn't going to be trapped into incriminating herself. "They're both good doctors. Probably have similar records when it comes to cases. Which means the board is going to base it off personality. Lets face it, Dr. Herron annoys people. She's great as a resident but as an attending? As one of the faces of Seattle Grace? Sorry. I don't see it happening. They'll go with Alex because he's charming when he wants to be and nice to look at."

"You know something, don't you?"

Shrugging, Lexie rose from the bench. A few months ago she would have caved. She was no longer that girl though. She had been through something horrific and come out stronger because of it. "Does it really matter? We both know that even if I do know something, I'm not going to say so and we both know that it won't really matter after two o'clock this afternoon either."

"I liked you better when you were easy to intimidate," grumbled Cristina as she smoothed her new scrub top. "I'm feeling generous. Want to scrub in on my valve replacement?"

"Sure. Why not. It's better than sitting around dwelling on the fact that I'm a pathetic loser who lives in her sister's attic." The saddest part, Lexie thought as she followed Cristina out of the locker room, was nobody seemed to disagree. Well, she was tired of being a pathetic loser.


	15. Chapter 15

Dear readers: Under normal circumstances I wouldn't ask for prayers from you. Today, I am doing so. Not for myself but a family in my community. A couple nights ago there was a four year boy murdered during a home invasion. The family is devastated. If you could say a prayer for the Lane family or send them positive thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated! 

Author's Note: I want to thank all of you for being so loyal and reviewing the chapters you might not like the best! I promise things on their way to being happier! As you might have noticed in the last chapter, Alex has a big promotion coming his way and with a baby coming too he is going to need it! On the time jumps, they won't be big, I just want to be able to move things along so we can enjoy everything there is to enjoy! I also want to say that I really do not like how this chapter turned out. I think I have written and re-written it four or five times. I give up. I hope it isn't too hard to read or too out of character. If it is out of character please, please tell me HOW it is out of character! Thanks guys!

Chapter Fourteen

"_Being happy is something you have to learn. I often surprise myself by saying "Wow, this is it. I guess I'm happy. I got a home I love. A career that I love. I'm even feeling more and more at peace with myself." If there's something else to happiness, let me know. I'm ambitious for that, too." Harrison Ford _

A home-made banner congratulating Cristina, Meredith, and Alex on their promotions hung across the back wall of the Emerald City Bar. A brilliant smile blazed across Izzie's face as she followed her husband into the almost empty bar. According to Meredith, Joe had closed the place down for the night so he could host a private celebration for his favorite residents turned attendings. The party was meant to congratulate Meredith, Cristina, and Alex equally on their success, but Alex had talked her into using the party as a chance to announce the pregnancy. She still wondered if it wasn't a little too soon to be telling people; there were so many things that could still go wrong. She had wanted to see a specialist, maybe even take a trip to Los Angeles to see Addison, before they started telling everyone. Alex had argued that their friends weren't everyone, they were their friends; family even. It had been hard to argue against that.

"Your boss was cool with you not coming in, right?" Alex murmured as he helped her out of her burgundy colored jacket. She nodded. Her boss hadn't been thrilled about her calling in sick, but once she had explained about the pregnancy he had agreed to move things around. She had heard others talk about how understanding Dr. Moretti was with his residents when it came to matters of health, but she hadn't really believed it until she heard him tell her to take care of herself and to not worry about her shift.

"Congratulations, man," Joe boomed, striding over to clap Alex on the shoulder before hauling the younger man into a hug. "Don't know what that board is thinking, make you guys attendings, but hey I'm proud of ya!" He turned his jovial grin toward Izzie, his features softening slightly. "Can't tell ya how glad I am to see you," he said softly, wrapping his arms around her. She snuggled into the embrace, and sighed. Hugging Joe was like hugging a favorite teddy bear; there was something so comforting about it.

"It's good to see you, too," Izzie replied, stepping back. She felt her eyes burn a little as she stared at someone she had missed greatly without even realizing it. What a fool she had been, thinking she could leave and start a new life. The people she had met and befriended at Seattle Grace weren't just friends. They were family. A family she needed more than ever. Between the worries of miscarriage, birth defects caused by the chemo, and stressing about how the pregnancy would effect her job she was going to need all the support she could get.

"What's your poison?" asked Joe as he moved away from them and stepped back behind the bar. "It's on the house tonight."

Izzie glanced at Alex. He didn't have to say anything to know what he was thinking. They were going to have to either tell the truth about why she wasn't drinking or they were going to have to lie to their family. Neither option sat well with Izzie. Truth was better though. She had learned that the hard way. "I'm not drinking," she started, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. A small squeak slipped out of her mouth as she felt the sting of two fingers pinching the soft flesh of her upper arm. Her head swung to the left and her gaze collided with Cristina's. "What the hell was that for?"

"I'll tell you when you tell me why I seen you sneaking around labs with Lexie Grey this morning," Cristina countered. Izzie let out a groan. Any hope she had had of keeping this pregnancy between herself, Alex, and Lexie just flew out the window. She couldn't lie to Cristina; it was like the other woman had an internal lie detector.

"I would rather tell everyone the answer to that question all at once," Izzie answered, looking over at Alex for help. He grinned and shrugged. He'd been on cloud nine since they discovered the pregnancy was real. It was like he was choosing to live in a happy bubble where they didn't have to worry about the pregnancy being high risk. She couldn't be that optimistic, not when she knew the danger her body could present to their child. And until she knew for sure that her body wasn't still coursing with poison she didn't think she could be one hundred percent happy.

"Meredith," Cristina yelled, catching the attention of the slight blond, who stood on the other side of the room laughing with her husband. "Izzie has something she wants to tell us."

"This is bad," Alex whispered. Widening her eyes, Izzie turned to look at him. She wanted to ask what had made him draw that conclusion. Was it the fact that they were being strong armed into telling their personal business, instead of joyfully announcing their news? She wanted to remind him that this was what he wanted; all their friends to know.

"You're sick again, aren't you?" Meredith asked nervously. Izzie gulped. She didn't think she could do this. She didn't think she could tell Meredith she was having some miracle baby when Meredith had lost her's not so long ago.

"Is that why you're not drinking tonight? Because you're sick?" Cristina studied her with eyes that seemed to see everything. "You're sick again and you chose Lexie freaking Grey to go to? In case you've forgotten, she screwed your husband!"

Tears burned Izzie's eyes. She was well aware of what had occurred between Alex and Lexie. It was still a tender subject in their marriage. Her reasons for going to Lexie for help had been simple: Lexie felt guilty and guilty people kept their mouths shut. They didn't offer advice you didn't want or try to strong arm you into doing something you didn't want to do. "I'm not sick," Izzie bit out. "I thought I was but I'm not."

"What does that have to do with my sister?" questioned Meredith. Her head turned slightly to the right, shooting Cristina a warning look.

"I didn't want anyone to worry if there wasn't a reason to worry. I knew if I asked someone at Tacoma it would get around and then I would have to prove myself all over again. And," she hesitated, knowing what she was about to say would upset at least of her friends, "I didn't ask any of you because I didn't want Alex to know anything if…well if there wasn't anything to know."

"So basically you chose Lexie to confide in because you knew you could manipulate her into not saying anything because she's just chock full of guilt over sleeping with your husband."

It sounded so underhanded and mean when Cristina said it. Essentially that was exactly why Izzie had chosen Lexie but she hadn't really planned on using Lexie's guilt to black mail her into keeping silent. She had just figured Lexie would stay quiet on her own because of the guilt. "I asked Lexie because I knew she would keep quiet," she snapped, pushing her shaking fingers into hair. "I just…I don't see why you're making a big deal out of something that doesn't concern you."

The moment the words left her mouth Izzie regretted them. She could see her friends support slipping away. Tears started to burn her eyes. This was why she hadn't wanted any of them to know. They always made something out of nothing before there was even anything to worry about. Sometimes it was out of concern but other times, Izzie wondered why they felt the need to butt in. It was like they were afraid she was going to do something stupid.

"Doesn't concern me?" Cristina hissed. "Izzie, you made your health my concern when you told me you had cancer! You put that on me. You made me concerned and you don't get to take it back. So pardon me if I'm a little worried about the fact that you're sneaking around the hospital having secret tests done by a woman you should and probably do hate."

Again, it sounded different when Cristina said it. It made more sense. They weren't butting in or trying to divert her. They were afraid for her. "I'm not sick," she said softly. "I'm pregnant."


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: You guys are so kind with all your reviews! I cannot believe we are on Chapter Sixteen and almost to 400 reviews. Wow. The most I have ever had before has been 100. Your loyalty to this story astounds me. I hope I don't disappoint you in any way! This chapter contains our first time jump. I am fairly clear on how much time has passed, as well as what has gone on. I also am taking a little creative liberty with what happened to Meredith. Normally I would research whatever caused her miscarriage on the show. Since she isn't the focus of this story I'm going to just keep that portion brief. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! It is one of my favorites.

Chapter Sixteen

"_Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; while loving someone deeply gives you courage." _

Lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling, Izzie placed both hands on her still flat abdomen. It had been two weeks since she had first discovered she was pregnant. Two very, very long weeks. The first week had been miserable. Cristina had lectured her on the many things that could go wrong, while Meredith had burst into tears and disappeared. Then there had been the first round of tests; some had been the usual prenatal work up but others had been done to insure the chemo was fully out of her system. The second week, after the doctor had assured them her body was free of any drugs that could harm the baby, things started looking up. She felt relieved enough to enjoy the miracle that been given to her and Alex.

"You're one tough little guy," she murmured, her fingers lazily stroking circles around her belly button. When she had been pregnant the first time she had avoided touching her stomaching as much as possible. The less she acknowledged the changes in her body the easier it was to distance herself from a baby she knew she couldn't keep. Things were different this time though. This time she could enjoy each development and look forward to the day when she met her son or daughter. She didn't have to be ashamed of how her stomach was swelling or try to ignore the desire to plan a future for the life she was carrying.

A smile flittered across her lips as she thought about the things that needed to get done before the baby arrived. First on that list was finding a way to mend the rift between her and her friends. Second was finding a house. With Alex's promotion they would be able to afford a mortgage and they definitely needed more room. Her little apartment had been perfect when it was just her and then cramped but cozy when Alex moved in. There was no way they could add the baby's things and still have room to move. At first they had talked about a bigger apartment, had even looked at a few, and then Alex had broached the subject of buying a house. At first she had been leery but the more she thought about it the more she liked the idea. It would be their home, a place for them to raise their family and strengthen their marriage.

Rolling onto her side, Izzie reached for the local real estate listings booklet Alex had gotten from some agent that had come through Seattle Grace's emergency room. She flipped through the first couple pages, not really impressed with what Bremerton had to offer. Her fingers stilled as she glanced at a couple listings for Green Lake. Not a bad area but she wasn't sure it was a place she could live for the next thirty years. Letting out a sigh she turned a couple more pages, her breath catching in her throat when she reached the Redmond district. Her gaze roved the night stand looking for a pen but stilled when she heard a tentative knock at the door.

"Be right there!" Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Izzie gulped down a wave of nausea. She would be glad when the morning sickness passed. It seemed to worsen after they learned they were expecting.

"Hi," Meredith greeted tentatively when Izzie opened the door. Her former roommate looked like hell. Her dark blonde hair hung in lank waves around a face that was twisted with sorrow and conflict. "So, I think we should talk."

"Okay." Stepping back, Izzie nervously twisted her fingers together as she waited for her friend to step inside the apartment. The tiny living room was still a mess from where Alex had started sorting the laundry only to be interrupted by a page. Hurrying over to the couch, Izzie scooped up the clean towels she had folded and dumped them on her bed. "Sorry about the mess. Place isn't really big enough."

"Its cute." Hesitation shone on Meredith's face as she slowly lowered herself onto the edge of the sofa. She folded her hands in her lap and waited until Izzie was seated in the chair across from her to speak again. "I'm happy for you guys. I am. I don't want you thinking that I'm not and I realize that is probably what you do think since I've been acting like…well like I'm not happy." Her chest heaved as she inhaled deeply. "The day of the shooting I found out I was pregnant. I don't know if something was wrong or if the stress of what was going on played a part but I had a miscarriage. A pretty bad one."

"Oh Mere," Izzie whispered.

"The day before Cristina's wedding I went in for check up and the doctor said there was quite a bit of damage and the chances of me getting pregnant again on my own are slim to none. I thought I was okay with it because I've never really thought of myself as a mother but the moment you said you were going to have a baby it hit me like a ton of bricks. I want a baby. I want to be a mother. And there you were saying you were having a baby you didn't have to have help creating because you're like some medical freak or something."

A medical freak. Izzie couldn't help but smile at the term. Medical freak or, as Bailey liked to put it, a medical miracle. Either way she was alive when she should be dead and she was having a baby when she should be sterile. Even after all the years she spent in medical school, the human body still amazed her. It healed itself every day, without any warning or any reason. "I'm sorry, Meredith, I am. At least for you loss." She glanced down, the index finger and thumb on her right hand nervously twisting the diamond encrusted wedding band on her left hand. There were so few people who knew about Hannah. She had kept the baby she had given up for adoption a secret not out of shame but habit, and because it was easier to just not say anything than to have to explain. "When I was fifteen I got pregnant. I won't tell you some sob story about thinking the boy loved me because the truth is we were just having fun and got stupid. My mom wanted me to keep the baby. I thought about it, especially when my mom talked about how exciting it would be to be a mom, how it would some grand adventure. I thought about it. For like two seconds. And then I realized, if I kept that baby that would be the only adventure I ever had. I wanted more. I wanted to be more than some statistic who had a baby at sixteen. So, I talked the father and his family into agreeing to let me put the baby up for adoption."

Understanding flickered across Meredith's face. "The little girl who came in with leukemia," she said softly. "Hannah, right?"

"Hannah," Izzie confirmed. It felt like a giant weight had been lift from her shoulders. One by one she was slowly letting her friends into the life she had once lived. Alex knew all her secrets. From Hannah to how she had become a model to why she had chosen Denny. There wasn't much her husband didn't know, and the things that were still a mystery to him were only minor things she would eventually get around to telling.

"Do you think about her?" Meredith scooted closer to the edge of the sofa, her body leaning forward slightly as she waited for Izzie to respond.

"Sometimes. Like on her birthday or around the holidays. Every once in a while I will see some girl her age and wonder if that's her. Then they turn around and it isn't." She leaned back, relaxing into the soft cushions of the club chair. "It gets easier. I don't miss her as much as I did at first and I don't think about how things could have been if I had kept her."

"She's alive though. Living a great life with people who love her. My baby…my baby's gone. I'll never be able to pick her face out in a crowd or think about her on her birthday because she never even had a chance." Tears gathered in the corners of Meredith's eyes. As one slipped down her friend's cheek Izzie felt her own eyes burning. Her happiness was Meredith's sorrow. God, that sucked. "They could have been friends." Izzie wrinkled her brow in confusion. "Your baby and the baby I lost. If I hadn't had a miscarriage they would have grown up together and been friends."

The loss Meredith was suffering kicked in. If things had been different they would be sitting there talking about baby names or whether or not they wanted to sign up for a pregnancy fitness class together. "This sucks."

"No!" Meredith shook her head, the burnished gold waves shimmering around her shoulders. "Not for you. I didn't tell you this so you would feel bad. I told you so you wouldn't think I was mad at you like Cristina is. I'm happy for you guys. I think its amazing. You are going to be such a good mom and I can't wait to see Alex as a dad. You know he's going to be Mr. Protective."

"He already is," joked Izzie. The lighter shift in the conversation felt good and she was grateful Meredith had directed them away from the topics of miscarriage and what might have been. Life was too short to dwell on the things they couldn't change. "You grew up around here, right?"

"Sort of. We moved when I was ten, I think. Good ole Boston. Then moved back when I was in high school. Why?" Flopping back, Meredith crossed one jean clad leg over the other.

"Alex and I are thinking about buying a house. Wanted to get a feel for school districts, neighborhoods to check out, neighborhoods to avoid. That sort of thing."

Meredith tipped her head to the left, her hair falling over one shoulder. "I have to say Redmond. Schools are good. Neighborhoods are great. The commute isn't bad either. What does it take to get from my house to the hospital? Thirty minutes top?"

Blinking, Izzie nodded. Then it hit her. Meredith's house was part of the Redmond district. No wonder she liked the look of the homes in the brochure; they reminded her of the house she had lived in for almost two years. "We're suppose to meet with the real estate agent tomorrow. The way things have been going though one of us will get paged." That was the downside to Alex's promotion; he was paged more. Her working at a different hospital also made it difficult to see each other. She had toyed with the idea of applying back at Seattle Grace but decided against it. If she got the position she would always wonder if she had earned it or if they had given it to her because she was friends with the Chief's wife and her husband was an attending.

"Derek wants to build a house on his…our…land. We just never have the time to look at plans and agree on one." A loud buzzing cut off whatever else Meredith had been about to say. She reached into the large, olive green leather purse she had brought with her and pulled out a vibrating iPhone. "Cristina," she sighed as she answered the phone.

Great. All it would take was Meredith even mentioning that she was at Alex and Izzie's and the other woman would go off on one of her tangents. Izzie wasn't sure she understood why Cristina was so fixated on the negative things in life but it got a little tiresome. Why couldn't her friend just be happy for her? Why did she have to harp on what could go wrong? It put a blemish on an otherwise perfect moment.

"She wants to talk to you." Meredith's voice cut through the million questions running through Izzie's mind. She shook her head. No way in hell was she going to talk to Cristina. The last time she made that mistake she had been lectured on how foolish she was for going through with the pregnancy. Her and Alex had talked about the risks in great detail. In the end they wanted this baby, no matter what.

"She's going to be nice." Meredith paused, chewed her lip, and then sighed. "Okay, as nice as Cristina can be. She promises."

"If she lectures me I won't be held responsible for what I do," Izzie muttered as she took the phone. Closing her eyes, she braced herself for the lecturing. It never came. Instead she got what almost sounded like an apology and an invitation to a house warming party. "I didn't know you and Owen bought house."

"A house? Not hardly. We bought a condo that overlooks the Sound."

A condo that overlooked the Sound. Last year that would have made Izzie green with envy. Now she wanted a backyard where her child could play and a lawn her husband could mow. She wanted to live the American Dream in a suburb with a white picket fence. "So when is this housewarming?"

"The travesty takes place next Saturday afternoon. I wouldn't be having the stupid thing except Owen and Meredith both insist that it's the proper thing to do. Good etiquette. Blah. Blah. Blah. So can I count you in?"

"Sure." They spoke a few moments longer before Cristina was paged. Izzie handed the phone back to Meredith and rose to her feet. Thankfully the contents of her stomach didn't feel the need to reappear. "Does she want us to bring gifts?"

"Take a bottle of wine. That's what I'm doing. I figure I can't go wrong with alcohol." Meredith slowly stood up, shoving her hands into her back pockets. "Iz?" Izzie looked at her friend, her brow puckered. "I'm going to try and be better about this whole baby thing."

Izzie nodded. She didn't know what to say. What could she say? No words could ease Meredith's pain. It was a pain that only Meredith knew and only Meredith could work through it. All Izzie could do was be there. "So, you and Shepherd have any big plans for Thanksgiving?"

"Is that your way of asking if we're doing anything at our house?" teased Meredith. Izzie shrugged. It was, but at the same time it wasn't. She was changing the topic to a happier one. "I haven't really thought about it," admitted the other woman. "I think we might buy one of those dinner kits or something from the supermarket."

"A dinner kit? Meredith you cannot have buy a dinner kit for Thanksgiving!" The kits her friend referred to were a joke. A tiny turkey with a couple scoops of dressing, some instant mashed potatoes and some powdered gravy mix. That was not Thanksgiving dinner.

"What else am I suppose to do? Host some big dinner where I invite all my friends and family over? I can't cook Izzie! I burn water!" Shaking her head, Meredith bent to retrieve her purse. As she stood she slipped the straps over her shoulder. "Unless," a wicked grin spread across her lips, "you want to come help me."

"And by help you mean do all the cooking," Izzie corrected. Meredith laughed and nodded. It felt like the good old days. Before the cancer. Before the shooting. Before the miscarriage. Before every other ugly thing that had scarred them. Maybe that was what they needed. A gathering where they could laugh and have a good time; put the past behind them and enjoy the future.

Those thoughts stuck with her long after Meredith left. As she circled houses and finished folding the laundry, all she could think about was the first Thanksgiving she spent with her friends. They had all gathered at Meredith's. She had done most of the cooking, with some help from Burke. Meredith and Cristina had supplied the alcohol. George had made them all laugh with tales of hunting and shooting his father in the ass. Alex had made it perfect for her though. He hadn't been the perfect boyfriend, far from it, but even then he had known how to make things special for her. Had she ever done that for him? Had she ever gone out of her way to do something small that would mean the world to him? She couldn't recall any moments like that. Her heart constricted. She twisted her fingers in the soft waffle fabric of one of his Henley's.

"I'll make it up to him," she whispered. "I'll make sure this Thanksgiving and Christmas are all about him."

"Honey, I'm home!" Alex laughed as he walked through the front door of the apartment. Izzie jumped, dropping the shirt. She scooted off the couch and launched herself into his arms. Closing her eyes she pressed her lips to his, savoring the soft electric shock that rippled through her body. He'd always had that effect on her. She hoped that never changed. "Nice to see you too," he murmured after they broke the kiss.

"I missed you," she said softly, running the tip of her index finger down his nose. He chuckled and admitted that he had missed her as well. A smiled tugged at the corners of her mouth as she snuggled closer to him. "I looked through that real estate brochure. Circled a couple houses."

"Was this before or after you picked up my mess?" He threaded the fingers of his right hand through her hair, gently massaging her scalp.

"After," she answered. "I would have done it before but Meredith stopped by. We talked." She wondered if she should tell him about Meredith's miscarriage. Her friend hadn't told her not to say anything but then again she hadn't given permission to talk about it either. She made a mental note to ask if it was alright if Alex knew. Much as she hated keeping something from her husband she didn't want to inadvertently betray a confidence.

"She finally tell you?"

No confidence to be betrayed. Alex already knew. All Izzie could do was nod. It hurt to think about the loss Meredith had suffered. "I told her about Hannah."

Alex's fingers stilled. Hannah was a touchy subject. Any time she brought up the baby she had given birth to at sixteen Alex seemed to shut down. He said it wasn't because he didn't want to talk about Hannah or know anything about her but Izzie couldn't help but wonder why her husband seemed closed off to the subject. "And?"

"And I think it helped her." She wanted to say more. To ask him what he had against the subject of Hannah. The risk of starting an argument stopped her. They had been doing really well, only having small spats that were easily resolved. The issues surrounding Hannah were deep rooted and could quickly go from a curious questioning to a full blown yelling match.

"That's good." Untangling his fingers from her hair, Alex took a step back and fell backwards onto the couch. He laid back, one arm stretched over his upper face. "Have you heard from Hannah's parents lately?"

Hannah's parents. It was almost like he was reminding her that Hannah wasn't her daughter. "I got an email from her mother last week. She's doing really well."

"That's good," he repeated. "You tell them about the baby?"

Izzie's mouth went dry. It was hard to explain the arrangement she had with Hannah's adoptive family. They weren't interested in hearing from her. They sent short emails out of gratitude. Occasionally there was a picture attached. Most of the time Izzie sent them back a thank you. "No. And I'm not sure I'm going to. They're not really interested in me or my life."

"They should be. Without you they wouldn't have that kid. They should remember that. Pretty shitty of them to act like you don't exist except when they need something. Do they even know you had cancer? That you almost died?"

She shrugged. When she was first diagnosed she had written them an email letting them know she had cancer. There had been no response. When she got married she had sent another one. Again no response. It was only after she told them she was in remission that they even acknowledged that they had gotten her messages. They were glad she was doing well and hoped her marriage was going good. That was it. Short and too the point with a picture of Hannah attached. "I don't think they do it on purpose or to be mean. It's sort of like they don't know how to act. It has to be hard, you know? One day she's going to ask about me and…"

"And if they bothered to know you they would have answers to give you. They're asses, Izzie. They agreed to open adoption and then act like you don't exist. It isn't right."

Slowly it all fell into place. Alex didn't have a problem with Hannah. The problem resided in the fact that her parents treated Izzie so poorly. "Right or wrong it is what it is. It doesn't matter. Maybe Hannah will never ask. Maybe one day she'll show up wanting answers. I don't know. They love Hannah and that is all that matters." She lowered herself on to his lap and looped her arms around his neck. "I don't spend a lot of time worrying about them. My time belongs to you and the baby we're going to have."

Mentioning the baby did the trick. His sour expression turned to a silly grin. One of his large hands settled over her stomach, generating heat that seared through her thin, white cotton t shirt. "I'm going to be a good dad, Iz. I promise."

Her heart melted. He was still so wounded and scared sometimes. She blamed all the people who had ever let him down or hurt him; herself included. The others couldn't make it up to him but she could. And would. "You're going to be the best dad ever."


	17. Chapter 17

Author's Note: Right now I am at a loss for words. 410 reviews! I am in shock. Complete and total shock. You guys are amazing. For that, I am rewarding you. The next two chapters contain adult content. One for you Alex/Izzie lovers and one for you Jackson/Lexie lovers. You are reading at your own risk!

Chapter Seventeen

"_Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping…waiting…and though unwanted…unbidden…it will stir…open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us…guides us…passion rules us all and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love…the clarity of hatred…and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion we'd know some kind of peace but we would be hallow. Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead." Joss Whedon (creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer) _

The scent of roasting turkey, fresh baked bread, and cleaning products greeted Lexie as she slunk through the front door of Meredith's house. She wasn't in a very thankful mood, not after the night she had had. Sixteen burn victims; all the result of some stupid holiday cooking blunder. Her favorite had been the last one. Some college frat boy had thought if he lit the grease frying the turkey on fire it would cook the bird faster. The only thing cooked was his face. He'd gone from Mr. Yum Yum to Mr. Krispy. It was sad. One stupid mistake and he was scarred for life. Literally. In some ways Lexie could relate. She'd made a few mistakes and bore some rather nasty internal scars as the result.

"I thought you were going to Dad's."

Lexie looked up to find Meredith walking down the stairs. For once her sister looked happy. There was a pink flush in her cheeks and she had actually put some thought into her outfit. Yes, the lavender argyle sweater and dark washed jeans were casual but they weren't the cleanest of the dirtiest or wrinkled and stained. For the first time since the shooting Meredith had fixed her hair and put on some make-up. "I changed my mind. Too much drama. He'll drink too much. Say or do something stupid. Molly will whine around about how it isn't the same without mom, which will make dad drink even more, which leads to him doing even more stupid stuff. I just spent twelve hours patching up morons who want to set deep fryers on fire to cook their turkeys faster or think if they reach in quickly they can turn the bird without burning themselves. I think I've met my quota of holiday stupidity. I'm ready to take a shower and hide in my room."

"You don't have to 'hide in your room' you know. You could eat dinner with the rest of us."

The rest of 'us' included Alex, Izzie, and Mark. She had found some sort of neutral ground with Alex and Izzie, but things were still nothing but an emotional roller coaster where Mark was concerned. One moment he was ignoring her, the next he was going to counseling with her, and then it was back to ignoring her. She'd had to call him for twelve consults and if he had spoken more than ten words to her she hadn't heard them. It sucked. Royally sucked. Mostly because she still cared about him. Counseling had revealed that horrific fact. She hadn't caused Gary Clark to shoot up Seattle Grace and she cared about Mark Sloan. "I might sneak down for some left over's or something but really, I would rather just be alone. Sleep off the holiday funk and all that jazz."

"If you're sure," Meredith drawled, leaning against the banister. "If you change your mind though…"

"If I change my mind I'll come down. I promise." Flipping her long, dark hair over her shoulder Lexie charges up the stairs. She wanted to shower and head up to her room before anyone else caught her. The last thing she needed was being guilt tripped into making nice with people who barely tolerated her.

"Meredith says you're not going to take one for the team. That you're going to hide in your room all day."

At the sound Jackson's voice Lexie's body went still. It hadn't taken long for word to spread. Lexie the loser was going to the attic to wallow in self pity. "I'm not hiding and in order to take one for the team you kinda have to be part of the team. Those are Meredith's friends down there, not mine."

"So I'm not your friend?"

Shrugging, Lexie continued her trek up the stairs, intent on making it to her private refuge. She wasn't going to argue with Jackson. Not today. Holidays were hard enough the way it was. "I never said you weren't my friend. Just said the people downstairs were Meredith's friends. Not mine. You're acting like I'm committing some horrible sin by wanting to sleep instead of pretend to be thankful for the crappy things that have happened in my life."

"You know what your problem is? You spend too much time focusing on the bad or trying to please other people. When are you going to open your eyes to the good around you?"

The good around her? Lexie pursed her lips together. In less than two years her mother had died, George had died, she had (almost) broken up a marriage, and single handed ruined one of the greatest relationships she'd ever been in. What good was there? Ducking her head down, she tried to push away the guilt that crept up. Not everything in her life was bad, she reasoned. She had Meredith and, glancing up, she had Jackson. Her body straightened even more. Jackson wanted her to open her eyes to the good around her, well her eyes were opening and he was looking pretty darn good. Down right yummy in fact.

Before Mark she wouldn't have had the nerve to do what she was about to do. But if there was one thing Mark had taught her, it was to be sexually assertive. If she wanted something she needed to speak up. Men were not mind readers. "You're right. I do focus on the bad." She kicked her shoes off and reached for the them of her navy blue sweater. Slowly, she peeled it up, very well aware that the floral tank top she had worn beneath was inching its way up as well. She could feel Jackson's eyes on her. Good. It meant he wouldn't shoot her down. Or, turmoil built in her stomach, maybe he would. Maybe he was a decent guy about sex and didn't use women. Part of her hoped he was that sort of guy, but all her girly parts were screaming for him to just use her!

"However," she purred, "I like pleasing other people. It makes me feel good." The tank top stuck to the sweater as she tugged it the rest of the way over her head. Heat stung her cheeks as she realized all she wore was a pair of dark gray leggings and a black lace bra. If she had kept the tank top on and he shot her down, no big deal, she could play it off as a joke. Standing before him in nothing but skin hugging cotton and black lace was no joking matter. If he played Mr. Nice Guy she was never going to be able to look at him again.

Risking a look at his face, Lexie felt some of her unease loosen up. Whether he shot her down or not there was desire stamped across his handsome face. Jackson wanted her. Heart pounding she looped her arms his neck and did a silent victory cry when his hands settled on her hips. His face lowered closer to her's, his breath hot on her ear. "What are you doing," he whispered.

"Looking for the good," she replied, pressing her lips to his cheek. He turned his face so that they were nose to nose. Her pulse sped up again as he brushed his lips across her's. Closing her eyes she savored that first kiss. No matter how good kisses were, there was something so magical about the first one. It was exploring un-chartered territory. Sometimes the territory wasn't worth going any further, but other times it drew a person in, made them throw caution to the wind. It made them believe that there was such a thing as passion; it wasn't just slaking lust or using each one another. Jackson's kiss definitely fell into the second category. He made her want more. Not just physically but emotionally. It had been forever since she had felt that way.

Pushing back a couple inches, Lexie reached for the buttons on his shirt. Her fingers shook as she fumbled with each one. When the last one slipped from its hole, her breath caught in her throat. Jackson had once said he was the pretty one in his family, but he was wrong. He was beautiful. It was like each muscle was chiseled from the finest bronzed marble and sculpted into a perfect form. She placed her palms against his chest, almost surprised that it was arm flesh, not cold stone. Sliding her hands upward, she pushed his shirt off his shoulders, and smiled softly when he let it fall to the floor. When his fingers touched her waist again it was to shove her leggings downward. The snug fabric clung to her curves, making them both laugh. Another couple would have taken it as a sign not to proceed but they had come to far, were to aware of each other, to stop. Clothing seemed to fly in each direction as they stumbled toward the bed, their alternating between hot kisses where their tongues danced together and sexy little nips that would probably leave marks on the others neck.

Condom, Lexie thought as her back hit the bed and Jackson spread her legs. She needed to tell him there was a condom in the top drawer. Her lips parted but a moan came out instead of the reminder. His hard, thick cock pushed between her wet folds. It had been too long. Way too long. The last time had been with Alex and while it had been fun it had just been sex. This felt like something more. She hoped she wasn't wrong because for once Lexie wanted something more. Something beyond being a doctor. She wanted what Meredith and Derek had, what Alex and Izzie had; hell she was even jealous of Cristina and Owen. She wanted a future with a ring and a babies. She didn't know if Jackson was that man or if there was still hope for Mark but for the first time ever she wanted more.


	18. Chapter 18

Author's Note: 434 reviews. That averages out to 25 reviews per chapter. You guys are truly amazing! Especially since this story isn't my most creative or even my best writing. It is one of my favorites, too, though. There is something about working through the mess on the show and finding some hope for our favorite couple…even if it is only in fan fiction. It also lets some of us have fun with a pairing that will probably never happen (but should!).

Chapter Eighteen

"_Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale"_

It had almost been like old times; with a few new additions and one very noticeable absence. Owen had tried to distract them all from the fact that it was their first holiday season without George. None of his stories about traditions in other countries helped though. The mood had been bittersweet and in the end they had found it was better to talk about the good times they'd had with George rather than avoid the fact that he was gone forever. Or maybe he wasn't. It was Jackson that pointed out nobody was ever really gone if they had left a mark on our heart. And George had done that. He had left marks on all their hearts; even the hearts that wouldn't admit it. Alex was one of those. He wouldn't say out loud but there were days he missed having George around. Not because he was easy to tease but because he had been reliable. Good ole George. Always there when he needed a second opinion or just someone to listen while he vented about how unfair it was that Izzie was sick and could die.

Glancing over at Izzie as he unlocked the apartment door, Alex wondered if he should tell her that he had kind of liked George. The man was dead. He didn't have anything to worry about by telling his wife her best friend and former lover had been a good guy. "Was kinda weird without George," he said, testing the waters as he twisted the knob and swung the door open.

"Yeah." Izzie agreed. Her pretty face was a curious combination of sadness and content. "It was. He would have liked it though. All of us together." She let out a melancholic sigh as she flipped on the living room lights. Once again the tiny place was a mess. Alex bent to retrieve the dirty clothes he had worn the day before. Living this way wasn't in either of their natures. The place was entirely too small. They had found the perfect house; two blocks from Meredith's, had even put an offer on it. The realtor had promised to call as soon as the sellers made a decision. That had been almost a week ago. He was ready to know if they had the house or if they needed to find another one.

"Yeah. You're right. It was still weird though." Gathering the jeans and flannel shirt to his chest, Alex opened the tiny coat closet and dumped the laundry on top of the ever growing pile already there. "Gotta get some laundry done later," he muttered. He would sort the stuff and haul it down later, after his food had digested and after he spent some much needed time along with his wife. The past couple weeks had been a rush.

"I'll do it." Izzie dropped onto the sofa and leaned her head back, her fingers splayed across her stomach. He wanted to ask her what she was thinking about. Was it George? Was she missing him? Or was it Denny? Was she thinking about…Alex shook the thoughts off. Denny and George were gone. There was no point in working himself up over two guys who weren't around to cause havoc in his marriage. Their memories could though, he thought sadly. He hated always worrying about whether or not Izzie was thinking about and wishing Denny was there, that it was Denny's baby she was having, that it was Denny she was house hunting with. And, most of all, he hated himself for having the thoughts.

"You realize," she said softly, "this time next year our baby will be here? We'll probably argue over whether or not its okay to give them mashed potatoes or something."

"You can't give a baby mashed potatoes. Too much starch." Relief flooded through Alex. She wasn't thinking about her lost loves but their baby.

"See! I knew it. We'll argue," she chuckled. She ducked her head down and smiled at her still flat stomach. "Don't worry baby, mommy will sneak you some potatoes and gravy when daddy isn't looking."

Shaking his head, Alex grinned. He closed the closet and joined her on the coach. "I love you," he murmured, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He pressed a soft kiss to her neck, trailing his fingers over her delicate jaw line. It still amazed him that she was his wife. It also scared him to think about how he had almost thrown his marriage away. If not for Izzie's courage to come to check on him and his laziness in sending off the divorce papers, he wouldn't be there, about to make love to his pregnant wife. It was a dream he hadn't realized he wanted until it happened. Now, he couldn't imagine life without his wife and the baby they would be welcoming in June.

"I love you too," Izzie giggled, wiggling around so her face was closer to his. Her lips met his, tentative at first but slowly growing more aggressive. Her fingers fumbled with his belt buckle and then the button on his jeans before finally slipping between the soft cotton of his boxer shorts and his warm skin. As her fingers curled around his long, hard shaft Alex bit back a groan. He slid his hands under the soft, pink angora of her sweater. His thumbs brushed back and forth across her abdomen. He couldn't wait till her stomach swelled; growing rounder with their child. Pregnancy had always intrigued him, from a medical stand point, but as a husband and soon to be father it amazed him. Nestled inside his wife was a life he had helped create. A tiny human being that he couldn't wait to meet. He hoped it was a girl. A beautiful little girl who looked just like Izzie.

"I love you," he repeated. Maybe saying it so much made him one of those sappy guys that Hallmark cards talked about but who cared. The way he looked at it, he had lost time to make up for. He had words spoken in haste that needed to be erased. "I love you so much Iz." Gripping the bottom of her sweater, he tugged it upward, bending forward slightly to kiss the valley between her breasts. The soft fabric slipped from his fingers and dropped to the floor.

"The feeling is definitely mutual," she murmured, one arm twisting behind her back to unhook her white lace bra. His lips stretched into a grin as he cupped her breasts in his hands. The grin grew even more when she rolled her eyes. He gently squeezed the soft globes before sliding his hands down her sides, spanning his hands at her waist. With one quick flick he had her on her back, one leg hanging off the sofa. She let out a care-free laugh. "Smooth move, Karev. Learn that in wrestling?"

"You could say that," he laughed. "Although, you're a much more attractive opponent and I never wanted to get naked with of the guys on the mat." Still chuckling he undid the button and zipper of her gray slacks.

"I would hope not," Izzie replied, raising her hips just enough for him to drag the slacks and her purple panties down her legs. "Hmm. One of us is wearing too many clothes."

"Way too many," he agreed. Standing up, Alex pulled his dark green sweater over his head and tossed it in the general direction of the coat closet. He braced himself with one hand on the arm of the sofa while he used the other to work his boots off. A few seconds later his jeans and boxers joined his sweater. He eased down onto the sofa, settling between his wife's legs. She hooked one calf around his waist, drawing him down lower. An open invitation to skip more foreplay and jump ahead to the main event. Alex was more than happy to oblige. He gently nudged the head of his cock between her wet folds, inching his way inside.

Izzie's eyes drifted closed as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She buried her face in his neck, her breath coming in soft, hot puffs that seared his skin. He started to withdraw, only to thrust back in. Over and over he repeated the sensual movements, his own eyes closing as he savored every second of making love. Being there, with Izzie, reminded him of what Thanksgiving really meant. It was being thankful for the people in his life. It was appreciating the second chance he had been given.

Laying his head against her chest, he laid there, wondering again if he should tell her George had been a good guy. Yet again he couldn't bring himself to do it; for the same reason he never brought up Denny. He wasn't sure he could handle having her cry for men she had loved and lost. "Alex," she breathed, her fingers trailing up and down his spine. "Do you remember when Jackson was talking about how everyone in his family always said one thing they were thankful for?"

"Yeah," he murmured, trying to catch his breath. Inhaling deeply, he eased himself onto his elbows, careful not to put too much of his weight on her.

"This year, I'm thankful for you." She raised up enough to brush her lips across his. "I'm thankful for the life we have together. I know I haven't always shown you how much you mean to me, but you've always been the one."

Something in his heart exploded. Every bit of doubt he'd ever had seemed to vanish. "I'm thankful for you're here. That you didn't…" he took a deep breath, his heart pounding, "that you didn't choose to be with George and Denny."

Confusion clouded her face, followed by understanding. "Why would I choose to be with them when I could be here with you?" She cupped his cheek in the palm of her hand, a gentle smile on her lips. "You are all I need. Well," she smiled," you and the baby."

He started to tell her he felt the same but the familiar, annoying buzz of his cell phone stopped him. He wanted to ignore it but knew better. Grumbling, he reached for his jeans and pulled it from his back pocket. It wasn't the hospital bothering him about coming in but the realtor instead. "Hello," he said cautiously. He listened as the older woman apologized for interrupting their holiday but she thought they would want to know the sellers had made a decision. A bright grin spread across his lips as she told him they had decided to accept the offer. "That's great! Thanks for letting us know." The realtor ran through a list of things they would need to do next before telling him to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. "You do the same," he chuckled before hanging up. He turned to look at Izzie. She had risen from the sofa and wrapped herself in the dark purple throw from the end of their bed. "You will never guess who that was." She raised one brow, waiting for him to tell her. "Rachel Sizemore letting us know we got the house!"


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Note: This chapter has taken forever to write. There are a million and one reasons (writers block, sick kids, work, Christmas parties) but I won't use them. I will just apologize for taking so long. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! It answers a question many of you have been asking. Also, if you get a chance I posted a Christmas story entitled The Christmas Card that is Alex/Izzie. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

P.S. Sorry this chapter is so short! I just wanted to get something up before the holidays and to let you know I am still invested in this story!

Chapter Nineteen

_Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall of the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter whee this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends._

Reaching up, Alex used the back of his wrist to wipe off the droplets of sweat that had formed along his forehead. It had been three months since Izzie and he received word that the house was theirs. One of those months had been spent drudging through paperwork; the other two had been spent preparing for and moving. They had only lived in the place a total of three weeks and most of that time Izzie had hounded him about painting. There hadn't been a room in the place safe from her color swatches. Except one. The room across from the master bedroom had remained unscathed until last week. Last week they had learned their little miracle was going to be a girl. The moment they left the doctor's office Izzie had made a beeline for the nearest paint store.

Pale pink walls with crisp white trim. Traditional little girl color scheme. He was fine with that. Wasn't even all that surprised. It was the bedding and decorations he took offense to. While Hello Kitty was sorta cutesy on his wife's panties and socks he wasn't too keen on the idea of it taking over one whole room in their house. Izzie had her mind made up though and experience had taught him that there was no changing Izzie's mind once it was made up. He supposed it didn't really matter. All that mattered was their daughter would grow up in a nice home with two parents who thought she hung the moon.

A far cry from the life he had experienced as a child. He had spent most of his life in ramshackle houses, low income apartments, and seedy hotels. Kids who grew up the way he had, with a drug addicted musician for a father and a schizophrenic mother, didn't think beyond the next day. Sometimes he hadn't bothered thinking about anything other than where his next meal was coming from or how he could dodge the social workers pounding at the door. His daughter would never know how ugly life could be. She would grow up in Union Hill, with two normal parents who loved her. There would always be food on the table and if a social worker knocked on the door it was because they were a family friend, not a foe.

"It looks like a flamingo puked in here." The disgruntled sound of Cristina's voice drew him from the dark meanderings his mind had taken. A quick look over his shoulder revealed his friend wife's friend standing in the doorway in a pair of sweats and an old Army t shirt that had to belong to her new husband. Her dark curls were pulled back in a sloppy bun and she came armed with a paint roller. Good. He needed help; the paint fumes made Izzie too sick for her to be of much assistance.

"Don't let Iz hear you say that," Alex joked, bending to swish his roller through the tray of paint at his feet. A few droplets splattered the plastic he had spread across the hardwood floor, making him glad he had thought ahead.

"I'll say it to Iz's face when I see her. I know she's all gun ho about having a girl but seriously, can't she be more creative than pink?" Rolling her eyes, Cristina followed his example and loaded her roller with paint. Alex watched as she expertly applied the paint to the pristine white wall before her. Figured that Cristina would be a pro at painting. She was a pro at everything she did.

"I don't suggest saying that," he muttered as he concentrated on making his wall look as good as the one Cristina was working on. He had broached the subject of going with green instead of pink and his wife had bit his head off. There were just some things not worth arguing over and he'd learned the hard way paint was one of them. Paint and Hello Kitty.

A scoff from Cristina's side of the room brought a chuckle to his lips. Let her make a crack about the paint to Izzie. No doubt she would get her head bit off too. Izzie had been a hormonal wreck lately. Happy one minute, insane the next. She was unpredictable. He should be use to it, she'd been that way most of their relationship, but it was different now that she was pregnant. He worried about her blood pressure, her stress levels, and a million other things. "You know, this pink reminds me of something," Cristina mused. Most of her wall was already covered. Perfectly covered in even strokes. Damn it. He'd been at it all morning and only had half a wall covered. Cristina waltzes in and has one almost done in less than thirty minutes? How was that even possible?

"It reminds you of Hello Kitty," Meredith chimed in as she stumbled into the room. Like Cristina she was dressed to paint. Unlike Cristina she didn't jump in to help but gingerly sank to floor and crossed her legs Indian style.

"Seriously?" There was no disguising the disbelieve in Cristina's voice. Her roller stilled as she turned to look at Alex. He took advantage and started painting faster. Maybe, if he was quick enough, he could at least catch up. "You're letting her decorate with some stupid white cat that wears a bow?"

"Do you think Izzie gave him a choice?" Meredith giggled, shaking her head. She leaned back against the one wall that hadn't been painted and let out a sigh. "I think you should throw her a baby shower Cristina."

"Me?" The horror in Cristina's voice was priceless. It was all Alex could do not to laugh. Although, he had to admit the idea of Cristina throwing a baby shower was pretty horrific. As far as he knew the woman didn't even like children. He wasn't sure Cristina had ever been one herself. "Are you insane Mere? Has being married to McDreamy fried your brain?"

Meredith rolled her eyes and rose up onto her knees. "I'm weak, Cristina. I'll cave under pressure and it will end up Izzie throwing herself a shower. You, on the other hand, won't."

"I don't do babies let alone baby showers. You're going to have to con someone else into doing your dirty work. Bad enough Alex here guilt tripped me into helping him paint."

A smug grin twisted on Alex's lips as Meredith quizzed her friends on why Alex was able to guilt trip Cristina. It wouldn't matter how much Meredith bothered them for the information, neither of them were talking. The secret they shared wasn't anything major, just Alex catching Cristina making gooey faces at the babies in the nursery. She had asked him what it would take for him to keep quiet and he had mentioned needing help painting. The rest was history.

"Fine. Keep your secrets. I don't care." The annoyed huff that pushed past Meredith's pursed lips said otherwise. Her interest had been piqued and while she was letting it go for the moment it would come up again. "Do you think Izzie will care if we don't tell her we're throwing her a shower? You know, make it a surprise shower or something?"

The conversation drifted into a subject Alex didn't really care about. As excited as he was for the baby the idea of attending a party centered around playing silly games and eating pastel mints was not one he wanted to explore. If they wanted monetary assistance in hosting it or help getting Izzie there he would be glad to do his part; however if they were expecting him to attend and take part...He let out a sigh. Who was he kidding? He would probably be right next to Izzie, front and center at the main table. Knowing Meredith she would panic about the theme and borrow Izzie's Hello Kitty fetish for inspiration.

"...really starting to think letting Jackson move in was a bad idea."

Blinking, Alex stilled his roller for a moment, trying to catch up on the new topic. It took a couple minutes to sort out that Lexie had slept with Jackson around Thanksgiving time, which would have been fine if Jackson hadn't gotten drunk and slept with April on New Year's Eve. April the virgin. Or rather ex-virgin. To make matters worse, April was confusing sex with love and thought what she had with Jackson was a real relationship. Unfortunately, Jackson was hung up on Lexie, who refused to be the reason April got her heart broken. "The whole thing is one big mess," Meredith went on. "I feel like my house is the set of some cheesy soap opera. All we need is for someone to come back from the dead."

"Or announce they're pregnant," snickered Cristina.

The gasp from the opposite corner of the room spoke volumes on how Meredith felt about that subject. Alex didn't blame her. The last thing he needed was Lexie coming up pregnant. Yeah it had been almost a year since he had last slept with her but that wouldn't stop people from speculating on who the father was. The rumors would get back to izzie, who would freak out and...Shaking his head he told himself not to borrow trouble. To be on the safe side though he was going to fill Izzie in on the drama that was brewing at Meredith's. It was the safe thing to do. Right?


	20. Chapter 20

Author's Note: I want to thank all of you for the lovely reviews! I know the last chapter was confusing. I wish I had an explanation but I don't. I got overly excited about finally writing something and wanted to post. I should have waited. I should have read through it more than once and made sure it made sense. Unfortunately, I didn't do either and now you have questions. Have no fear. I am here with answers. Yes, Alex and Izzie are having a girl! No, I don't hate Lexie. I don't see her as the bad guy in this story. If she has ever come across that way that I apologize as that is not my intention. I do encourage you to reread parts of the story though. You will see where Izzie is slowly forgiving her and wishing things had been different because she, yikes, likes Lexie! No, Lexie is not pregnant. Not yet. Maybe not ever in this story. Yes, Jackson really did get drunk and sleep with April. Hope that answers some of your questions!

Chapter Twenty

"_Never make negative comments or spread rumors about anyone. It depreciates their reputation and your's." Brian Koslow _

The bit of purple and white plastic sitting on the edge of the bathroom sink seemed to mock what little resolve Lexie had left. A lump formed in her throat as she tried to work up the courage to tell Jackson the test wasn't necessary but like her resolve, her courage was in short supply. The rumor mill of Seattle Grace had targeted her once again. Mostly because one of the nurses had overheard Meredith asking her if she could be pregnant. All the little twit had heard was pregnant. If she had stayed another five seconds she would have heard Lexie tell Meredith there was no way in hell she was pregnant. Forget that she'd had her period not once, but twice, since Thanksgiving, she was cramping as they spoke. The rumor had gotten back to Jackson and he'd hunted her down at Meredith's house, pregnancy test in hand.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Blinking, Lexie glanced to the right, where Jackson hovered near the closed door. She wanted to tell him to get out and take his offensive little stick with him. The words wouldn't form though. Pathetic as she was, she was actually enjoying their little secret bathroom meeting. Things had changed since Thanksgiving. At first they hadn't let having sex come between their friendship. Then New Year's Eve happened. New Year's Eve, where a drunken Jackson popped an equally drunken April's cherry. It was then that things changed. Whether it was out of guilt or a sudden realization of love, Jackson started dating April. To make matters worse, Lexie was pretty sure they were sleeping together. It shouldn't have bothered her. Yet it did. Funny how she hadn't realized how much she wanted Jackson to ask her out until after he was with April.

"What I want is to get this over with." She had been sitting on the toilet with her panties around her knees for almost ten minutes. Her bladder was full but refused to relinquish anything; almost as though it knew how ridiculous the situation was and wanted no part in it.

"Here." Crossing the small room, Jackson flicked on the sink. The sound of running water seemed to do the truth. Closing her eyes, Lexie followed the instructions she had read on the back of the box. It didn't take long to thoroughly "wet" the stick or for the results to show up. Almost instantly the word Negative popped up in the result window. "You're not pregnant."

"No kidding!" Rolling her eyes, Lexie adjusted her boy-cut panties and the red flannel pajama pants she had changed into after work. "I tried telling you that. Geez, just once I wish people would listen to me." She tossed the test in the trash and quickly washed her hands. The sooner she got back to her room the sooner she could finish her frozen pot pie and juice box. Hiding in her room was childish but it beat having to watch April and Jackson make goo goo eyes at each other. She didn't like being reminded that she was alone while everyone else had someone. "Does your girlfriend know you're forcing other women to pee on sticks?"

"Leave April out of this," Jackson grumbled as he followed her out of the bathroom. They were intercepted by Meredith before Lexie could climb the stairs to her room and Jackson could continue down the hall to his. "Congratulations. You don't have to worry about the pitter patter of little feet."

"Or being woke up by crying in the middle of the night," Lexie added and then wished she hadn't. Meredith wanted to hear little feet pitter pattering and wouldn't mind crying in the middle of the night; only it wasn't possible. At least that was how Lexie understood things. The miscarriage her sister had suffered after the shooting had caused damage. Lexie hadn't pressed for details and Meredith hadn't offered them.

"Good." Meredith nodded, a wistful smile on her lips. "Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to being Aunt Meredith, just not anytime soon."

Lexie didn't bother correcting Meredith by pointing out that she was already Aunt Meredith to Molly's little girl. Her older sister and younger sister didn't seem interested in one another. They had met a grand total of twice and both claimed a relationship didn't appeal to them. It put Lexie in an awkward spot sometimes she still held out hope her siblings would change their minds. "I'm sure Izzie will let you play Aunt Meredith with her little girl," Lexie supplied when she realized she should probably say something.

"I'm sure she will," Meredith laughed. There wasn't much joy in the sound and it manifested Lexie's guilt. Would she ever figure out the proper thing to say to sister? Probably not. She wasn't like her mother who always had the perfect words. Instead whenever she needed to say the right thing she bungled the words.

"So, I'm only going to say this once. I don't care what people do in their personal lives so long as it doesn't effect mine." Meredith's green eyes shifted from Lexie to Jackson and back again. "If you want to play musical bed partners I am the last person to judge. Just do not do it in my house and do not do it with each other. We all have to live together and the last thing I need or want is to have to ask someone to leave because their causing a cat fight between my other two roommates. Are we clear?"

Wide eyed Lexie nodded. It was difficult to tell if the words were meant for her, Jackson, or both of them. Probably both. Lexie took them to heart though. She didn't want to put her sister in a position to have to ask her, or someone else, to move out. It wasn't a matter of money for Meredith but a matter of building a family. She viewed all of her roommates as the family she had never had. In some ways it hurt because Lexie really was her family, but she got it. She understood. And she wasn't going to do anything to hurt the life Meredith had built for herself. "I'm sorry Mere," she whispered in her sister's ear as she gave her a brief hug. "Things are going to be different. I promise." It was a promise she had made before; not just to Meredith but herself. This time she was going to take it seriously. She was going to stop thinking about everything but getting her life back on track and getting through her internship.

"I just want you to be happy," was the response Meredith gave before hurrying down the stairs. Happy. It had been so long since Lexie had really been happy. Probably before her mother died. It seemed like her life took a dive around that time. She wasn't going to blame her problems on her mother dying or breaking up with Mark or Gary Clark shooting up Seattle Grace. Her problems were because she had made mistakes.

"So…" Jackson's warm honey voice wrapped around her as she stared after her sister. "Now that we've established that there's no mingling of D.N.A. going on how do we squash the rumors?"

So far nobody but Meredith and a few other people knew that Lexie had slept with Jackson. Considering his new relationship with April it was probably best that it stayed that way. "Nobody knows about what happened between us except Meredith, Cristina, Alex, and Izzie. They're not going to tell anyone. I've weathered the gossip storm before. I can weather it again. There's no reason for you to get involved."

"Except I am involved. I involved myself when I slept with you."

His voice echoed in the hallway, causing Lexie to wince. She hoped April wasn't home or if the other woman was she hadn't overheard any of their conversation. If there was some way to keep their roommate out of the mess they had made Lexie wanted to find it. Under normal circumstances finding out your new boyfriend had slept with one of your roommates would suck. Seeing how Jackson was April's first real boyfriend and the only man she had slept with it wouldn't just suck, it would be devastating. "What about April?"

The question crumpled the bravado on his face. Like her, he didn't want to hurt the sweet, naïve girl they both cared about. "I'll talk to her. Explain that this all happened before we…well…before." He reached up and scrubbed a hand down his face. Confusion and anger warred in his beautiful eyes. "Nothing was suppose to happen," he said lowly. "I just didn't want her spending New Year's alone. And then we drank too much and…"

"And you realized she's more than a friend. It's fine." It was pretty amazing how much she meant that. It hurt to say but she was working on being happy for the people she cared about; even if it meant putting their feelings ahead of her own.

"That isn't what happened." He scrubbed a hand down his face, the fingers trembling slightly. "I didn't want her to spend New Year's alone so I asked if she wanted to go to Joe's party with me. Everything was fine until we started shooting tequila. Next thing I know I'm waking up naked with April and she's talking about how great it is to finally have a boyfriend."

Shock ricocheted throughout Lexie. It almost sounded like Jackson was saying everything that had happened with April was nothing but a big mistake. One he wished had hadn't. She hoped she was hearing him wrong. April didn't deserve to be a pity case. Yes, she was naïve, almost annoyingly so, but she was sweet and kind and she deserved a man who appreciated those things. She didn't deserve a man staying with her out of obligation. No woman deserved that. "You can't let her think something that isn't true," Lexie bit out, her fists clenching at her sides. Maybe she should let everyone know that Jackson and she had slept together. If he was going to pop April's happy bubble why not let April think it was because he was a bed hopping scum bag? Anything but what would probably go through the girl's head: there was something wrong with her.

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't sit up at night trying to figure out how to tell her that as much as I like her, I don't love her and I'm not going to ever love her? At least not the way she wants to be loved. You tell me how I can tell her that without breaking her heart."

Inhaling deeply, Lexie told herself to just stay out of it. It wasn't her problem. She couldn't though. Not when she liked April. Not when she had feelings for Jackson that weren't platonic. Of course those were probably two very good reasons for her to stay out of it but she ignored those facts. "You're going to break her heart anyways, Jackson. What happens when the right woman comes along?"

"Maybe she already has," he mumbled, guilt staining his cheeks a soft pink. He reached up and cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand. She wanted to savor the touch but couldn't. How could she have feelings for a guy who was pretending to care about another woman just so he wouldn't hurt her?

"Then you need to be honest with April," she said softly. Her fingers curled around his wrist and gently tugged his arm downward. Her skin cried out in dismay at the loss of his touch but this was for the best. Getting involved with Jackson would bring on a whole new pack of rumors and quite frankly she was tired of being the subject of gossip. "And you need to be sure about this other woman because she's had her full of being hurt. She needs someone who loves her enough to let her figure out who she is."

Gulping down the lump that had returned to her throat, Lexie started up the attic stairs. She was half-way up when she heard Jackson behind her. "Let me know when you've figured out who you are," he called up after her. A slightly smile formed on her lips as she promised that she would.


	21. Chapter 21

Author's Note: Thank you for not giving up on this story! Holidays are always a little busy for me. I work part time in retail, need I say more? In addition to that I also make tutus on the side. Throw in a husband, two kids, a couple cats, and a cranky turtle….well sometimes time gets away from me! I have also started mapping out the story I want to write after this one is finished. Don't worry, there is still a lot left tell here but I am pretty stoked about what my new story holds! It will be AU since I haven't written one of those in a while and will focus namely on Alex and Izzie, with others as backup. More on that later! Back to our story at hand…This chapter has been in the back of my mind for a while. It is something that needed to happen. I hope you understand it and that you enjoy it.

P.S. Thank you for all the reviews! I cannot believe we are only 27 away from 500!

Chapter Twenty One 

"_Be who you are and say what you feel. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Suess _

Tacky elevator music assaulted Izzie's ears as she walked through the tinted glass doors of a swanky looking department store. Conquering the chore of buying maternity clothes on her own seemed daunting. Alex had to work, Meredith was sick, and she knew better than to even ask Cristina. Which meant trudging through the mall alone. She inwardly cringed and hugged herself. The last time she had faced a maternity section she had been sixteen and thinking about giving her baby up for adoption. The sales ladies had stared at her, no doubt whispering about the stupid girl who had let herself get pregnant. She hadn't been able to afford anything more than a clearance t shirt back then and buying it had been shameful rather than exciting. Things were different this and up until Alex had been paged in to work she had been excited about buying maternity clothes. Having to face judgmental sales ladies on her own? Not something she was looking forward to. Thankfully this time she had a wedding ring as proof that she wasn't some stupid girl who let herself get pregnant.

"Can I help you find something?"

The cheery voice crept up her spine like spiders climbing a drain. Forcing her lips into a tight smile she turned to face the perfectly groomed woman behind her. There wasn't a strand of hair out of place or a speck of lint on her all black garb. Izzie suddenly became very aware of her sloppy ponytail, sweats and the snug t shirt that barely covered her swollen stomach. Wonderful. The lady before her probably didn't want to help, she probably just wanted to make sure Izzie wasn't out to steal something. She parted her lips to tell the lady she needed to find the maternity section but stopped when she heard someone call her name. Glancing to the right she seen Lexie weaving through displays of bedding and over priced throw pillows. "Hey," Izzie greeted. She had never been so glad to see someone as she was to see Lexie. Ideally she would have been saved by a friend but Lexie worked.

"Hey yourself." There was an awkward smile on the younger woman's face as she drew closer, her arms struggling with what looked like a new comforter. "I'm getting my own place," she explained when she noticed Izzie eyeing the large package of bedding she was carrying. "I think it's time, you know? Feels like I've always lived with someone and I think I need to try doing it on my own."

Izzie nodded. She knew that feeling. It was how she had ended up in the tiny studio apartment she had been living in when she and Alex got back together. "Get a studio. You don't notice being alone as much. Plus the rent is about two hundred dollars cheaper."

"Really? I'll have to check into that." Lexie shift the comforter from one hand to the other before dropping the humongous package at her feet. "You out shopping for the new house or the baby?"

"Both," Izzie admitted. Her answer seemed to pique the interest of the sales lady because once again the falsely chipper woman asked if she needed help finding anything. "Maternity?"

"Oh! I just passed by there." Lexie shoved the bedding package toward the confused lady and grinned at her. "Think you could put that behind your counter…" her eyes shifted toward the woman's name badge, "Connie?"

"Um, of course," the flustered woman answered. "If you could just leave your name…"

"Alexandria Grey. _Doctor_ Alexandria Grey." The smugness in the dark haired woman's voice as she tossed out her professional title was comical. Even more comical was the look on the woman's face when she told her she would be back in an hour or so…after she shopped the maternity section with _Doctor_ Isobel Stevens. "I can't stand stuck up sales people," she muttered when they were out of ear shot. "I mean, come on. They're sales people. Their whole job revolves around how nice they are to people. Yet they're some of the crankiest people on the planet."

Silently, Izzie agreed. She remained quiet as Lexie led her through the maze of departments to Maternity. She wanted to ask why they were walking together and why Lexie was making small chat like they were old friends. She was grateful for the company and wondered if it would be wrong to pretend they were buddies. Just so she wouldn't have to shop alone of course. Not because she wanted to be friends with her husband's ex. There were some things that weren't possible and Izzie being Lexie's friend was one of them.

"This is cute."

Blinking back to reality, Izzie stared at the top Lexie had thrust at her. It was a pale pink t shirt with the words Baby On Board written in silver glitter. A bit on the silly side but definitely cute and definitely something she would wear. Clutching it to her chest with one hand, she used the other to flip through a rack of light weight long sleeved shirts. Should she ask Lexie why she was there? Probably. It was better to just get it out in the open. "So, um, Lexie, do you want to tell me why you're…you know…hanging out with the wife of the married man you slept with?" Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. She hadn't meant to be so blunt or hurtful. For the most part she had worked through her anger issues over Alex and Lexie. She had even decided she couldn't be very mad to begin with since she had left Alex and Alex had made up his mind to file for divorce at that point.

"I…I just…" the words seemed stuck in Lexie's mouth as she stared at Izzie in horror. "I'm sorry! I guess I just…I don't know. I hate shopping alone and I seen you and I guess I forgot about…" She paused to suck in a mouthful of air, her cheeks turning the same brilliant red as the pretty sun dress she was holding. "They're talking about me at the hospital. Some nurse started a rumor that I was pregnant and now everyone is whispering about how I cheated on Mark with Alex and how Alex was a married man and do I know who the father is because, you know, hey, I'm nothing but a whore who sleeps with a new guy every night." She paused again, this time to wipe at a tear that had slipped down her cheek. "I can't even date the guy I want to date because I'm afraid of what they'll say next. I keep thinking they'll move on to someone else but so far nobody else has messed up as bad as I have so…I just wanted to pretend that none of the stuff I did to deserve the gossip happened. I wanted to just be a girl out shopping for her first apartment. And I guess I got so wrapped up in pretending that I forgot why we can't hang out or shop or have lunch."

Something twisted in Izzie's heart. She knew how it felt to be the center of Seattle Grace gossip. First there had been the drama with Denny, followed by the affair with George. Things had sort of calmed down when she started acting completely insane. Of course most people had forgiven her odd behavior when they learned she had cancer but a few had continued to whisper about her. Thankfully she hadn't been around to hear the rumors about why she left. Lexie had been there though. She had weathered the rumors, was still trying to weather them. "So today is pretend nothing happened day?" Licking her lips, Izzie looked down at the shirt in her hands. How many times had she thought about how different things would have been if Lexie hadn't slept with Alex? How many times had she wished she could pretend nothing had happened? More than she could count. Now that the opportunity presented itself she realized that what might have been didn't matter. What mattered was reality and the reality of it all was Lexie had slept with her husband. They could never be friends. That didn't mean she couldn't talk to the other woman or be friendly toward her when they were in each other's presence.

"I guess you could say that," Lexie whispered, her gaze dropping to the floor.

"You're too old for pretending," Izzie said quietly, her voice sounding stronger than she felt. She wasn't sure if offering Lexie advice was the right thing to do or not but she was going to do it anyways. "I'm going to give you some advice Lexie. You can take it or leave it. I hope, for your sake, that you take it. We've all done things we wish we could take back but the reality is once something is done, it's done. You can't take it back no matter how much you want to. The best thing for everyone involved is for you to admit your mistakes, accept that you made them, figure out why you made them so you can avoid making them again, chalk them up as lessons learned, and then move on. That is all you can do. Pretending something didn't happen or that people aren't talking doesn't help. If anything it makes things worse. You have to stand up for yourself."

"How?" The pleading in Lexie's voice softened Izzie's resolve a little. The desperate young woman before her reminded her so much of the woman she had turned into while with Denny and again while she was with George. She had let herself become defined by the circumstances surrounding her mistakes and it had made her feel like shit. That was how Lexie was feeling right now. Like shit. It was written all over her face. "How do I stand up for myself when I am everything they're saying?"

"See. That's the problem. You're starting to believe them. You can't do that. When you do that they win. And trust me you don't want to let them win." Letting the gossips win was what had driven her away. She had let herself get wrapped up in what other people were saying instead of talking to Alex. She regretted that every day. If she could keep Lexie was feeling that same regret then she would gladly swallow her pride and be the shoulder the girl obviously needed. "What happened with Alex was between you, me, and Alex, not the staff of Seattle Grace. The only person you owe any explanation to is me. And I don't need one or want one. I forgave you months ago. If I can do that then you can forget about those busybody know it alls who have nothing better to do than gossip."

"You forgive me?" The disbelief on Lexie's face was almost laughable. "I slept with your husband!"

"Yeah. I am very well aware of that." A grimace twisted on Izzie's face as the baby chose that moment to stretch, her legs kicking into the underside of Izzie's ribcage. "You know, if you want people to stop thinking of you as the dirty whore who slept with poor cancer patient Izzie's husband you might want to stop bringing it up."

A blush crept up Lexie's cheeks. "I'm my own worse enemy." Her fingers reached up to twist a lock of hair as she tucked her lower lip between her teeth. "I act instead of think. Or I over think instead of acting. Sometimes its both, which really messes things up even more than they were messed up to begin with because I start making excuses for things I know are wrong. Like when I slept with Alex. I told myself it was okay because you had left and I had slept with him before so it was like recycling…which sounds so completely insane now but at the time…."

Reaching out, Izzie placed the tips of her fingers against Lexie's lip, stilling the flood of words that had been spewing out. The girl needed a filter. And, Izzie thought with a grimace, a muzzle. It seemed that whatever was running through Lexie's head at the time was what came out. Especially when she was nervous. "You really need to stop. Stop talking. Stop making excuses. Stop rushing into things. You need to stop and think. Trust me, I know. Every mistake I have ever made could have been avoided if I had just thought things through first."

The words seemed to sink in as Lexie slowly nodded her head. "Think and ignore. I think I can handle those two things." Sighing, she turned her attention back to the racks. "You know," she said softly, "for a moment there, I wanted that stupid test to be positive. I knew it wouldn't be but just for a moment I let myself think about how amazing it would be to create a life with someone I love."

The change in topic was one Izzie savored. When she was pregnant with Hannah it had been shameful, stressful, and embarrassing. She had resented every kick, had dreaded the birth. This time it was different. The little girl she carried had been created in love. Every kick inspired awe. And Izzie was counting down the days until she held her sweet little girl in her arms. "There's nothing like it in the world," Izzie answered, her hands settling on the gentle mound where her baby rested.

"I'm ready to move on with my life," Lexie continued, her fingers caressing a pajama set that came with a matching gown for the baby. "I'm ready to put what happened with Alex, the shooting, Mark, the rumors…all of it…behind me. I want to get married, have a baby, and schedule play dates." Another sign escaped her lips as she turned to look at Izzie. "Am I crazy for wanting that?"

Glancing down at her belly Izzie's lips tilted up in a gentle smile. She couldn't tell Lexie that those dreams were crazy because they were part of Izzie's reality. It was an amazing reality too. "You're not crazy. And I think you would make a wonderful wife and mother. Just…don't rush in to something okay? Don't let your dreams become a mistake because you were in a hurry to make them come true."

"Trust me, I'm not about to jump into any relationship right now no matter how amazing they are." A far off look clouded Lexie's eyes as she mindlessly handed Izzie the pajama and baby gown set. Chuckling quietly Izzie took it. She had a feeling Lexie already had a guy in mind to help her realize those dreams. And Izzie was pretty sure she knew who the guy was. She just hoped Jackson Avery realized how great Lexie was.

As they looked through a few more maternity racks and perused the baby section Izzie felt the last of her resentment and anger at Lexie slipping away. She didn't know if they were friends but it was nice to know they could be around one another and enjoy the experience. It was an arrangement Izzie could live with. Who knew, maybe one day they could fully put the past in the past and be friends. It wasn't something Izzie was ruling out.


	22. Chapter 22

Author's Note: I want to thank each and every one of you for the time you have spent reading this story! When I first started The Only Exception I didn't think it would attract much attention; I was mainly writing it as a form of therapy for myself. I figured a handful of my regulars would read and I was fine with that. Twenty two chapters and 495 reviews later my therapeutic release seems to have attracted quite a few followers. Sadly, we are nearing the end of the story. This isn't the last chapter but there are only a handful left. I want to give a special thank you to some dear friends who has kept me on track. Tatiana and Marie, you are more than friends, you are sisters. Without you this story wouldn't be what it is.

Chapter Twenty Two

_Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over…_

Exhaustion swarmed Alex as he trudged across the flagstone walk that connected the driveway to the front porch of his house. Twenty-two hours of running from one O.R. to the next, trying to repair the damage a drunk driver had inflicted when he slammed his pick up truck into a school bus full of preschoolers. All but one of the kids he'd been working on had made it. If he lived to be a hundred Alex would never forget the devastated looks on Kevin and Lacey Henderson's faces when he told them their only child was gone. It had taken all his resolve to stand there with a blank look on his face as the mother cried uncontrollably and the father tried to keep it together. All he could think about was that in four and a half years his daughter would be in preschool. What if some son of a bitch drank too much and drove their vehicle into her bus? What if some psycho with a gun showed up at her school and opened fire? The sick, twisted what if's had kept coming as he stood there, robotically explaining that he had tried everything. And he had, damn it. He had. It just hadn't been enough.

Scrubbing a shaking hand over his weary eyes, Alex unlocked the heavy wood and stain glass front door. Conscious of the fact that it was only four a.m. he quietly shut the door and stood there, unsure of what to do. Did he go upstairs and crawl in bed with his wife or did he try to wind down first? He opted for the former rather than the latter. If he stayed downstairs and tried to relax all he would do was dwell on the ugliness that tainted the world. The whole way home he'd been plagued with memories of the shooting. Why the bus accident would trigger them, he didn't know? It was probably the fact that one dumb ass could cause so much heartbreak with one single choice. Henry Franklin had chosen to drive drunk. Gary Clark had chosen to bring a gun to a hospital. Both had taken innocent lives. Both had caused enough heart ache to last a life time.

"Alex?"

Izzie's soft voice was a like a soothing balm to his aching heart. It was a relief that she was awake. He wouldn't have to be alone. She would make the horrible what if's go away, she would remind him that there was more good in the world than bad.

"You okay," she asked quietly when he finally entered the master bedroom at the end of the upstairs hall. He could make out her silohette sitting up in the middle of the bed.

"Drunk driver hit a school bus full of preschoolers," he answered. Quickly he removed the clothing he had put on yesterday morning and climbed in next to wife. Automatically her arms wrapped around him, her lips murmuring gentle reassurances as she held him. "I only lost one patient. Little girl named Gabby. Seems so senseless, you know? That a four year kid died because some dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to drive home after drinking a bottle of whiskey. Should have been his ass in the morgue."

Her arms tightened. "Alex, don't. Don't let this get to you."

How the hell was he not suppose to let it get to him? In several years it could be there daughter's cut short by some idiot with whiskey on his breath or a gun in his hand. It could be his daughter lying in an elevator wishing she…Alex closed his eyes and sucked in his breath. Damn it. Why was he letting what happened with the drunk driver and the school bus collide with the memory of the shooting? How the hell had he let his thoughts grow so twisted he had put his unborn daughter in the role of bleeding victim with regrets? He was even more fucked up than he thought. "When Gary Clark shot me I crawled to the elevator. I thought if I could just get on the elevator I would be able to push a button and someone would find me."

"Alex," Izzie whispered, her cheek pressing against his she looped one leg over his thigh. "You don't have to tell me. We've been over this and I don't want you remembering that awful night, okay? It doesn't matter now. You're save."

"I think I need to tell you," Alex said slowly. He needed to get it out. Maybe then the demons would fully go away. If not, then he was making another appointment with the shrink. He hadn't had to go in months but if his thoughts kept going the way they were going he needed to deal with them and fast…before the baby was born.

"You don't have to."

That was the beauty of it. He didn't have to. "I made it to the elevator and didn't have the energy to press any buttons so I laid there. I figured I was probably going to die and I didn't really care. There was nothing really worth living for at that point. Not sure how long I was there. Probably not very long but it felt like a lifetime. Whole time I laid there all I could think about was you. I guess when they found me I kept begging you to forgive me for screwing up."

"I screwed up Alex, not you." There were tears in her voice, he could hear them, and he hated knowing they were there because of something he had said.

"We both screwed up," he conceded, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"We both screwed up," she agreed. Her fingers found his and gently took hold of his hand. She pressed his palm to her rounded stomach. Beneath his touch he could feel their daughter shifting around. Two and a half more weeks, he thought with a half smile. Two and a half more weeks until he met their daughter. They still hadn't decided on a name for her. Knowing them, they would wait until the last second. That seemed to be how things went with them. Last second, spur of the moment decisions.

"I wish I had been there for you." Her long, blonde hair tickled his chest as raised up just enough to stare down at his face. "I…I guess since I couldn't be there I'm glad you had Lexie. That you weren't alone." A sob caught in her throat as she lowered her head back down his shoulder. Gathering her close, Alex pressed his lips close to her ear. Over and over again he whispered how much he loved her, that she was the only woman he was ever going to be able to love. "You're the only man I've ever really loved. You're it for me Alex Karev."

Alex couldn't resist the chuckle that erupted from his chest. He wanted to remind her of how much they had clashed when they first met. They had both changed so much since then. Life had thrown them some curve balls but they had caught them and thrown them right back. They were fighters when the cause was good enough, and what better cause was there than love? Letting his laughter trickle into a sigh he felt his eye lids grow heavy as the exhaustion finally won out. His last conscious thought was how much more at peace he felt. He didn't know if it was because he had finally told Izzie about the shooting or if just being with her made it that way. It didn't really matter. All that mattered was the woman he loved was where she belonged…in his arms.


	23. Chapter 23

Author's Note: Thank you doesn't seem to convey how much your encouragement means to me. While this story is growing closer to the end, I do have my next one in the works. I have a feeling you will enjoy it as much as you have enjoyed this one. The title is going to be Underfoot. Keep your eyes out for it! I will also be posting and wrapping up an older one of mine entitled Something Extraordinary. As for this story, it is drawing near the end. Only two more chapters after this one! Not sure that I like how this chapter ended up but what can a girl do?

Chapter Twenty Three

"_Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open" _

_John Barrymore_

The ache had started the day before. Izzie had shrugged it off, chalked it up to another third trimester annoyance. When she woke up with the same ache plaguing her she started noticing it that it came and went at regular intervals. Every forty-five minutes, then thirty. When they hit the every twenty minutes mark she decided it was time to consider the fact that she could be in labor. It figured that it would happen when she was home by herself. That was how it had happened with Hannah as well. Her mother had taken an extra shift at the truck stop, leaving sixteen year old Izzie alone with her aching back and conflicted thoughts. It had been in the middle of some stupid soap opera that her water broke. She had freaked out; started screaming for help and ended up going by ambulance to the hospital after a neighbor called 911. Thankfully she was no longer a scared little girl and she had the sense to realize she needed to head to the hospital before the contractions grew any closer.

Letting out a sigh, Izzie sent up a silent thank you that Alex had thought to put the hospital bag in the back of the SUV they had bought the month before. She hadn't wanted to trade in her little Honda but there had been little choice when the transmission went. Between the baby and her job she needed a reliable vehicle, not one that refused to start half the time. And while she hated the payment, she loved the navy blue Volvo they had picked out. A nice safe car. One she could count on. And boy was she counting on it right now.

"You stay put until we get to the hospital," she whispered, her excitement mounting as she started the vehicle. She wasn't too worried about the baby coming before she reached Seattle Grace but there was a small part of her that felt silly for not realizing she was in labor sooner. If she had been smart she would have said something to Alex before he left for work. She hadn't though and there was no point in freaking out over that detail. Knowing Alex, she mused, he would freak out enough for the both of them.

Traffic was fairly clear, with only one delay due to an accident. The delay was just long enough for her contractions to accelerate to ten minutes apart. That worried her. Typically when contractions were that close together the water usually broke. The last thing she wanted was her water breaking while she was driving. Thankfully that didn't happen. She didn't know how she made it to the hospital without panicking or having to pull over to call for help but she did.

"I need someone to page Dr. Karev for me," she bit out to some fresh faced nurse she didn't recognize. The girl looked at her for a moment and then said Dr. Karev was a pediatrician not an obstetrician. "I am well aware of what doctor Karev does for a living. I'm his wife. I suggest you page him, okay?" Letting out a whoosh of air she turned to look around the Pit. Nobody was familiar. All the doctors and nurses looked like children just out of medical school. Most likely that was exactly what they were: children fresh out of medical school.

"Iz? What are you doing here?"

At the sound of her name, Izzie looked to the left. Relief shot through her when she seen Alex walking toward her. She stretched her lips into a shaky smile that slipped when she felt a wetness seeping through her pants. Having her water break shouldn't have been embarrassing yet it was. Her cheeks burned as she looked down at the small puddle beneath her feet. This was not how she imagined things going. When she had thought about this baby's birth Alex had been the one to drive her to the hospital and she had been safely tucked away in a private room when her water broke. "I guess that answers the question of why I'm here," she joked.

"Page Dr. Wallace," Alex snapped at the wide eyed nurse behind the counter. He cupped Izzie's upper arm and hurried her toward a wheel chair. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She was fully capable of walking. "You should have told me you were having contractions this morning."

A sigh escaped her lips. She had known something like that would be coming. She didn't bother trying to come up with an excuse because there wasn't one. "I didn't think they would hit as fast as they did," Izzie answered weakly. Slouching her shoulders and tucking her chin against her chest she tried to keep a low profile as her husband wheeled her into a crowded elevator. As luck had it she knew every single occupant. Shoot me now, she thought miserably. Tears burned the back of her eyes as another contraction hit. She wanted to shriek her way through it but bit her lip instead. She wasn't going to draw anymore attention to herself than she already had.

"Baby time," Meredith asked from somewhere behind her. Izzie was only half aware of Alex answering their friend, her mind was too wrapped up in riding out the contraction. As soon as it subsided Meredith's words hit home. Baby time. Her daughter was about to be born. Her beautiful little miracle baby. The tear that slipped down her cheek had little to do with the painful contraction that had gripped her body moments before and everything to do with the fact that she was about to become a mother.

"Baby time," she whispered, gently laying her hands across her abdomen. It would be the last time she pressed her fingers against unknown body parts in an attempt to get her little miracle to move. The next time she touched her baby she would be feeling their soft skin, counting their fingers and toes, and whispering in their ear how much she loved them. "Baby time."


	24. Chapter 24

Author's Note: The last chapter wasn't what I wanted. What I mean is it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. I don't know if that is because I've been sick and my mind is still a bit foggy or if I am just losing my touch. For now we'll blame it on being sick. The flu is a nasty thing. This chapter is better. In it we get Alex's point of view as well as an introduction to a long awaited baby! Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty Four

"_I felt something impossible for me to explain in words. Then, when they took her away, it hit me. I got scared all over again and began to feel giddy. Then it came to me…I was a father." Nat King Cole_

An odd emotion unlike anything Alex had ever felt squeezed it's way through some crack in his heart and oozed throughout his body. It bubbled beneath the surface, threatening to explode if he didn't do something with it. The problem was he didn't know what the emotion was or how he was suppose to handle it. All he knew was that the moment he heard his daughter's first cry this unfamiliar emotion snuck in and refused to leave. It magnified when the doctor placed a tiny, screaming baby girl with wavy dark hair in his arms. His heart felt ready to explode. Sophie Gabrielle Karev was, hands down, the most amazing thing to ever happen to him.

"Let me see her!"

Izzie's breathless voice cut through the daze, reminding him that he wasn't alone in his awe. With a little reluctance he gently laid his daughter in her mother's arms. A lump formed in his throat as he carefully sat next to Izzie, his fingers softly trailing down the Sophie's cheek. It still didn't feel real. He almost expected the alarm clock to beep or his pager to go off, waking him up from what had to be a dream. "I can't believe she's here," Izzie whispered, her voice full of the emotion he felt coursing through his veins. "I can't believe she's really here." He reached up to wipe away a tear that had trickled down his wife's cheek. It was a futile gesture as the tears just seemed to keep coming. He knew that whatever he was feeling probably didn't compare to what Izzie had to be feeling. She had been told that having a child naturally would be impossible. Yet, there she was, holding a baby they had created in a moment of love.

"Hey Sophie," Alex murmured. His fingers shook as he adjusted the towel that was still wrapped around the baby. He knew the nurses would be taking her soon, cleaning her up and putting her in whatever little outfit Izzie had brought along. A soft chuckle teased across his lips as he thought about the tiny wardrobe Izzie had packed in the diaper bag. She didn't want their daughter wearing the standard t-shirt and diaper most newborns wore. Instead she had selected an outfit for each day they would be in the hospital; with a few back up's for just in case.

"She looks like you," Izzie said softly, her breath hot on his ear as she laid her head on his shoulder. Blinking, Alex looked at her for a moment and then directed his gaze back to their daughter. He wanted to disagree, to say that Sophie looked exactly like Izzie but he couldn't. Already he could make out his chin and mouth. He kept looking, searching for something of Izzie.

"She has your nose," Alex proudfully announced a moment later. He was glad he hadn't passed on the Karev nose. Man, he'd hated it when he was little. It had taken up most of his face. He had been thirteen before the rest of his features caught up to that Karev nose.

"Yeah," Izzie laughed, "I guess she does." Her smile faded as a nurse took charge of the still whimpering baby. Alex knew how she felt. All he wanted to do was hold the precious life they had created. "It still doesn't seem real. That's she's here. That we're here." Her dark eyes met his and a sad smiled tipped the corners of her lips. "Sometimes I'm scared that I'm going to wake up and this is going to be some crazy dream caused by a brain tumor or something."

"Do I need to get Shepherd to give you a scan to make you feel better?" The offer had been serious but came across as an off handed joke that brought the smile back to Izzie's eyes. She laughed and told him she had had her fill of head scans. He brushed a lock of sweat dampened hair off her forehead and murmured how much he loved her. Having Sophie had opened his eyes to how much he had wanted a family of his own. One that couldn't be taken from him. Izzie and Sophie were that family. For the first time in his life he felt a true sense of peace.


	25. Chapter 25

Author's Note: Well, this is it. The end of The Only Exception. It was an amazing story to write and your endless support meant so much. I hope you enjoy my next story just as much. The title was going to be Underfoot but at the last minute I find myself renaming it after Carrie Underwood's song song I Just Can't Live A Lie. The song really fit's the storyline I have in mind for the story. Keep your eyes out for it!

Epilogue

_Other things may change us, but we start and end with family._

The thick glass was cool beneath six year old Sophie Karev's fingers. She barely noticed. Her hazel eyes were trained on the crying baby a nurse was cleaning up. He wasn't as cute as she had hoped, which was rather disappointing. "He looks weird," she admitted when her father asked what she thought of her new brother.

"He looks like you did when you were born," Alex laughed, swinging Sophie around so that they were nose to nose. She had changed in looks, he thought wistfully. She still had his darker complexion but gradually she had started looking more and more like her mother. He couldn't help but wonder if the same thing would happen with Connor. Would he start out looking like Alex and then grow to look more like his mother? Genetics were one of life's greatest mysteries.

"I wasn't ugly!" The offense in Sophie's tiny voice made Alex laugh. He rubbed his nose against her dainty one and pressed a kiss to her cheek before setting her on the ground. Almost immediately she rose up on her tip toes, trying to catch another glimpse of her new baby brother. "Maybe we can trade him for Lexie's baby."

Rolling his eyes, Alex leaned back against the wall. Mark and Lexie had welcomed Taci Anna Sloan into the world only two weeks ago. She had been a pretty baby with her father's All-American blonde coloring with her mother's features. Sophie had fallen instantly in love and hadn't let up on wanting a sister. "We're not trading Connor for Taci."

"What about Lillix?"

The hope in her voice did it. Alex busted up laughing. Sophie had been trying to claim Lillix Avery for the past two years. She'd even offered Jackson and April her pink poodle; which was her favorite toy. April had been a good sport and pretended to think about it before gently telling Sophie that her and Jackson really, really loved Lillix and wanted to keep her. "Sorry, kid, you're stuck with Connor."

Sophie's nose wrinkled up again as she turned to look at him. "He won't break my dolls like Grady does, will he?"

Ah. Yes. There it was. Three year old Grady Shepherd was a holy terror who liked popping off doll heads, coloring on walls, and screeching at the top of his lungs for no reason. His adorable dimples and piercing blue eyes weren't enough to make up for his tornado-esque attitude. One day Alex had made a flippant remark about not knowing how Derek and Meredith could ignore the kid's outrageous behavior. Izzie told him Grady's biggest problem was being a spoiled only child. Alex had countered with the fact that Sophie was a spoiled only child. She had smiled and told him not for long. Seven months later, there they were, watching the nurses clean up Connor Dean Karev. In the next couple weeks Meredith and Derek would be welcoming a second son they planned on naming Harrison. With any luck Harrison's arrival would tone Grady down.

"I am sure if you show Connor how much you love him he won't want to break your dolls," Alex responded when it became obvious that Sophie expected an answer. She smiled at him and then asked if he could please hold her up so she could see her brother again.

"Love you Connor," she cooed, kissing the glass before Alex could stop her. "Daddy? I think I might like a brother. He's really not so ugly."

Laughing, Alex set her down again. "How about we go check on mommy?" Sophie nodded and grabbed his hand. The tiny fingers felt so right. It never ceased to amaze him how lucky he was. Life was beautiful when it should have been ugly; full of miracles that reminded him that there were exceptions made when love was strong enough.


End file.
